a touch of catchup

ah, another night, another night… here we are again in the grand mess of clutter and garbage that is home… of course several unnecessary lights, their bathroom and both bedrooms, have been on for hours while Rasputin slept and Precious was out somewhere… captain laziness here refused to get up out of the big green chair because i am still into bleeding like women, or that guy on the cross, when the whole of humanity does it's best to sap all i can give and all the energy i can muster… ah yes, the world is as it's always been, upside down and spinning round and slowly self-destructing…

meanwhile, in the RealTime™, everybody should get naked and rub all up against each other just for the fun of it, ignoring the sensuality and oozing fluid, because the bliss of innocence overcomes us all…

well, there must be nothing going on in RealTime™ if that's all i can come up with after days away, aye?...

actually, where were we?... yes, the last entry was a classic, just like every entry that preceded it, so there must be a few classic entries coming any moment now to fill in the space-time continuum in this blog thing we all seem to gather round like moths to a popcorn machine… remember the good old days behind the candoor when i'd fill entries with clever phrases like the penis inside the vagina and hot breasted sex babe on fire humping pussy passion in the air like an irresistible invisible spirit came from out of nowhere to make her sweet nude body lose all control in nubile wet shaved crotch undulations just to get the search engine traffic for free?...

yeah, well i don't do that anymore, but it's not like we miss it…

Raspy woke in a foul mood tonight and stormed in and out a couple of times cursing and slamming things around… I'm not sure exactly why, but he's off to work now… i imagine he's feeling the pressure of Precious needing a car to go to school and work and him not having the fundage… neither of them can save a dime, it seems… she worked for several months, forty hours a week or so at a bit above minimum wage, but spent every penny on this and that instead of saving for a car or a laptop that she so desperately wants… i guess she just expects me or Raspy to buy it for her…

she brought back a bunch of gifts for Raspy and her friends from her trip up north… as usual though, it would appear, nothing for me… that's how it is here… lots goes out of my heart and pocket, nothing much comes back… it's not that i expect anything from anyone… i learned from the start in this life that some people, like parents, simply do not celebrate or give gifts… holidays, birthdays, vacations, the usual human gift-giving events came and went in this life and i watched others exchange things and that just wasn't the way in my young experience… maybe that's why shopping is such a cheap thrill (not so cheap though, aye?)… anyway, i learned to throw guilt trips at them to get things as a young child, but soon lost interest in that game as i was never much invested in material stuff and the superficiality of the giving grated on my sensitivities cuz it demonstrated how caring was only actualized when it was manipulated, which isn't really caring…

which is why when i do get something meaningful i hardly know how to show my appreciation because the experience is so rare and i am probably more materially jaded than i let on… yeah, it's not all existentialism, it's also expecting nothing and getting it most of the time… ah, but the life is still an amusing, interesting, and fun experience most of the time…

living in the moment does not mean you must become ignorant of eternity…

meanwhile, at work, they are finally starting to feel my wrath… or at least something is happening as the big boss is asking me for more things and seeing that what i've been saying for a year is actually true, the behavioral health field is moving toward a lot more data driven methods and systems and to keep up, the person crunching the numbers not only needs a good knowledge of statistical analysis, but a computer that can actually do it… so apparently the computer i asked for (a mere 2Gb RAM) is being ordered after several months of sitting on the paperwork… and the printer too… corporate wants reports and i cannot give them all they want without the tools… next step is to get updated database software since Access 2000 is limiting what i can do…

there's a bit of catch up for us, more to follow…