habits follow me
and then there was today (the day after yesterday, even though it is technically already more than three hours into tomorrow, we won't count that against today)... i finally got to sleep last night and the phone woke me around noon, precious wanted to come over to visit... so we sat and talked and then went to lunch at the olive garden at her request cuz she likes it more than macaroni grill these days (we should not tell rasputin)...
so we both had food to take home for another meal, at least, and i found my wallet $70 lighter and i ate food i was not planning on eating and wait, it gets better, precious brought me some decadent fudge covered caramel filled cookies that she said were too rich for her... did i mention that i had raisin bran and rice milk for dinner last night and went to the gym and was all set to turn over a new leaf in diet and exercise (or at least took the first baby step towards the turn around?)...
so anyway, precious needs money... she wants to go away next summer and it's gonna cost about $4000... she's planning on fundraising... feel free to send donations to the send precious away foundation at your leisure over the next ten months... i do love her, really i do, but i'd love to see some of the $1500 or so i laid out for her car... or some of the $1000 raspy still owes me (and he's going to the ukraine in a few weeks... how come i don't have a few thousand to spend on a few weeks far away (or even some new toys)... waa waa waaah, i love the giving more than the receiving, so shut up and continue...
it was nice to see precious... she caught me up on her life the past week and reminded me about a slew of shows i want to see at the colleges in the area... sweet would be if she got me some free tickets through her connections who get her free tickets, but hey, i'm all about the giving, remember?... just seem to be wishing others were into it more often of late :)
so after i got home i jumped back on the net (except for softball tomorrow, this is my weekend for catching up on the net, relaxing at home, doing laundry, and considering unpacking) and resolved some email confusions so i think i now will get emails and be able to send emails after the bellsouth dsl goes away at the end of the month and i think i've set up comment notifications so i won't miss any more and i think i may have caught up on comments... sure did a whole lot of key tapping... and a little bt of laundry...
did i mention that the dryer knob is broken... not as obvious as the other knobs, but it would not turn cuz it was cracked inside where you cannot see it... again, wait until monday... luckily i had a wrench to turn it... the previous tenant(s) must have torn this place up but good...
i discovered that my internet connection is not going to allow me to watch youtube videos at all as they start and stop every five seconds or so and it does a mediocre job of streaming music... maybe if i find time to download them, but more time online is not in the cards as i want more life offline... and i'll miss some tv shows, movies and sports and other stuff, but the tv is probably not getting plugged in much while i am living here... so maybe i will find more intimate offline life and who knows, another the one might be right around the corner...
but at least for this weekend i was here on the net rambling on, so there are words all over the place, mostly comments and responses to comments, and that part of me that craves attention and conversation (not just ego, mind you) and reassurance and interaction impatiently awaits responses, but of course it's the weekend and life goes on and i know my place and all that jazz, so patience is the catch word of the day, or actually night...
i should get to sleep soon anyway as i do have a softball game tomorrow... and to be fair, i have little time during the week for the net most weeks these days, so just cuz i spent hours and hours rambling on and pouring myself into words for the first time in months does not mean everybody should, right?... but i didn't start it (naaa naaa na na naaaa :)
i am really loving lisa loeb... did i mention i went to see her thursday night?... i think it was thursday night... wait, maybe it was last night... no, it was thursday night... i got to go because both softball games were rained out... she was wonderful, a breath of fresh air, adorable and sexy all in a fun package with a cute and beautiful voice... she has a boyfriend in nyc...
she signed two cds after the show and i invited her to a game night next time she has an extra day to be in orlando on a game night (she likes games)... the best thing was the intimacy... she sang and did her thing within arm's length of where i was standing, though up on a stage (i think i did mention she has really cute knees)... musically, she's gotten to be kind of like a female tom chapin, only much more fun to look at and a voice i could fall in love with...
so i'm listening to music and tapping on the keyboard and doing laundry and enjoying the space and any day now i might move in... even with the lack of tv or cable, poor internet, potential for the return of the roaches, mediocre management, small kitchen counter space, unfavorable lighting fixtures, noisy bathroom fan, poor cellphone reception, early pool/clunhouse closing times, and odd gates (i learned how to let someone in the gates today... they have to find my name on the front key pad and then the keypad calls me and i press 5 on my cellphone and let them in... i think they get to tell me who they are, but it didn't work right the first time so i'll have to ait until someone else visits to figure that out... the leasing agent neglected to tell me how to let guests in... also gave me a faulty remote access thing, which i was able to exchange today... anyway, there's always hope and tomorrow is another day and all that optimistic stuff :)
meanwhile, as i turn my magic mirror on the blogosphere, i see there's a new blog kind of aimed at communicating with me that i am actually meant to be a contributer too... i've never been in a shared blog before, so i'm not exactly sure how it's gonna be but i'll figure it out as i go along... as you already know, we're gonna do some deep cleaning or deep seas diving or something really dramatic... and deep... of course my tongue in my cheek will keep me safe and warm when my wits wander and who knows, maybe ten years of torture in the bowels of the earth will have a happy ending after all... not fairy tale ending, mind you, but hey, happiness is...
keeping in touch with friends
knowing that love will always be
true till the very end
and more than just a fantasy
even when we're away
or out of touch for a while
hoping we'll come again
will always inspire a smile
and when the dark clouds come
we can be so unkind
mistakes and selfishness
can tear a heart and mind
still there is always hope
for good intentions to prevail
and life will come to rhyme
even for ric and gail
cuz keeping in touch with friends
knowing that love will always be
true till the very end
is more than just a fantasy
and when we rise above
the foolishness and tragedies
to keep in touch with friends
to be the best friends we can be
keeping in touch with friends
that is still the best way for me
to be happy
and then i see that mikeyb has a new blog-o-sorts (sudden segue, aye?) and is moguling a new corporation again... i am not sure what my part will be in all that, if any, but i hope he gets really rich so he can adopt me and keep me in silk shirts and rich chocolates for the rest of our lives... now if he'd only let serenity keep her precious and idyllic blog space and commenters without chasing them all away, the blogosphere would be nearly perfect...
and my favorite blogger from across the seas (no offence q, she's cuter) pernickety stopped in for a surprise visit which is always a happy smile and someday she will hopefully come over and play... of course my other favorite far away blogger, quasar, also stopped in... i miss the time i used to have to read your spaces more (and especially miss those great space photos)... i feel humbled that you guys still stop by even after all this time of not venturing beyond my blog worlds... if you are still out there anna, you are missed and i hope to get to all of your blogs day soon (in spite of my backwards moving internet connection)...
and to all the multitudes (what., you though i had only one multitude?... dude!) of silent fans out there, keep your head up, your shorts dry, and remember you are welcome here anytime, even without your shorts... thank you for being...
so what else ya been up to? :)
so we both had food to take home for another meal, at least, and i found my wallet $70 lighter and i ate food i was not planning on eating and wait, it gets better, precious brought me some decadent fudge covered caramel filled cookies that she said were too rich for her... did i mention that i had raisin bran and rice milk for dinner last night and went to the gym and was all set to turn over a new leaf in diet and exercise (or at least took the first baby step towards the turn around?)...
so anyway, precious needs money... she wants to go away next summer and it's gonna cost about $4000... she's planning on fundraising... feel free to send donations to the send precious away foundation at your leisure over the next ten months... i do love her, really i do, but i'd love to see some of the $1500 or so i laid out for her car... or some of the $1000 raspy still owes me (and he's going to the ukraine in a few weeks... how come i don't have a few thousand to spend on a few weeks far away (or even some new toys)... waa waa waaah, i love the giving more than the receiving, so shut up and continue...
it was nice to see precious... she caught me up on her life the past week and reminded me about a slew of shows i want to see at the colleges in the area... sweet would be if she got me some free tickets through her connections who get her free tickets, but hey, i'm all about the giving, remember?... just seem to be wishing others were into it more often of late :)
so after i got home i jumped back on the net (except for softball tomorrow, this is my weekend for catching up on the net, relaxing at home, doing laundry, and considering unpacking) and resolved some email confusions so i think i now will get emails and be able to send emails after the bellsouth dsl goes away at the end of the month and i think i've set up comment notifications so i won't miss any more and i think i may have caught up on comments... sure did a whole lot of key tapping... and a little bt of laundry...
did i mention that the dryer knob is broken... not as obvious as the other knobs, but it would not turn cuz it was cracked inside where you cannot see it... again, wait until monday... luckily i had a wrench to turn it... the previous tenant(s) must have torn this place up but good...
i discovered that my internet connection is not going to allow me to watch youtube videos at all as they start and stop every five seconds or so and it does a mediocre job of streaming music... maybe if i find time to download them, but more time online is not in the cards as i want more life offline... and i'll miss some tv shows, movies and sports and other stuff, but the tv is probably not getting plugged in much while i am living here... so maybe i will find more intimate offline life and who knows, another the one might be right around the corner...
but at least for this weekend i was here on the net rambling on, so there are words all over the place, mostly comments and responses to comments, and that part of me that craves attention and conversation (not just ego, mind you) and reassurance and interaction impatiently awaits responses, but of course it's the weekend and life goes on and i know my place and all that jazz, so patience is the catch word of the day, or actually night...
i should get to sleep soon anyway as i do have a softball game tomorrow... and to be fair, i have little time during the week for the net most weeks these days, so just cuz i spent hours and hours rambling on and pouring myself into words for the first time in months does not mean everybody should, right?... but i didn't start it (naaa naaa na na naaaa :)
i am really loving lisa loeb... did i mention i went to see her thursday night?... i think it was thursday night... wait, maybe it was last night... no, it was thursday night... i got to go because both softball games were rained out... she was wonderful, a breath of fresh air, adorable and sexy all in a fun package with a cute and beautiful voice... she has a boyfriend in nyc...
she signed two cds after the show and i invited her to a game night next time she has an extra day to be in orlando on a game night (she likes games)... the best thing was the intimacy... she sang and did her thing within arm's length of where i was standing, though up on a stage (i think i did mention she has really cute knees)... musically, she's gotten to be kind of like a female tom chapin, only much more fun to look at and a voice i could fall in love with...
so i'm listening to music and tapping on the keyboard and doing laundry and enjoying the space and any day now i might move in... even with the lack of tv or cable, poor internet, potential for the return of the roaches, mediocre management, small kitchen counter space, unfavorable lighting fixtures, noisy bathroom fan, poor cellphone reception, early pool/clunhouse closing times, and odd gates (i learned how to let someone in the gates today... they have to find my name on the front key pad and then the keypad calls me and i press 5 on my cellphone and let them in... i think they get to tell me who they are, but it didn't work right the first time so i'll have to ait until someone else visits to figure that out... the leasing agent neglected to tell me how to let guests in... also gave me a faulty remote access thing, which i was able to exchange today... anyway, there's always hope and tomorrow is another day and all that optimistic stuff :)
meanwhile, as i turn my magic mirror on the blogosphere, i see there's a new blog kind of aimed at communicating with me that i am actually meant to be a contributer too... i've never been in a shared blog before, so i'm not exactly sure how it's gonna be but i'll figure it out as i go along... as you already know, we're gonna do some deep cleaning or deep seas diving or something really dramatic... and deep... of course my tongue in my cheek will keep me safe and warm when my wits wander and who knows, maybe ten years of torture in the bowels of the earth will have a happy ending after all... not fairy tale ending, mind you, but hey, happiness is...
knowing that love will always be
true till the very end
and more than just a fantasy
even when we're away
or out of touch for a while
hoping we'll come again
will always inspire a smile
and when the dark clouds come
we can be so unkind
mistakes and selfishness
can tear a heart and mind
still there is always hope
for good intentions to prevail
and life will come to rhyme
even for ric and gail
cuz keeping in touch with friends
knowing that love will always be
true till the very end
is more than just a fantasy
and when we rise above
the foolishness and tragedies
to keep in touch with friends
to be the best friends we can be
keeping in touch with friends
that is still the best way for me
to be happy
and then i see that mikeyb has a new blog-o-sorts (sudden segue, aye?) and is moguling a new corporation again... i am not sure what my part will be in all that, if any, but i hope he gets really rich so he can adopt me and keep me in silk shirts and rich chocolates for the rest of our lives... now if he'd only let serenity keep her precious and idyllic blog space and commenters without chasing them all away, the blogosphere would be nearly perfect...
and my favorite blogger from across the seas (no offence q, she's cuter) pernickety stopped in for a surprise visit which is always a happy smile and someday she will hopefully come over and play... of course my other favorite far away blogger, quasar, also stopped in... i miss the time i used to have to read your spaces more (and especially miss those great space photos)... i feel humbled that you guys still stop by even after all this time of not venturing beyond my blog worlds... if you are still out there anna, you are missed and i hope to get to all of your blogs day soon (in spite of my backwards moving internet connection)...
and to all the multitudes (what., you though i had only one multitude?... dude!) of silent fans out there, keep your head up, your shorts dry, and remember you are welcome here anytime, even without your shorts... thank you for being...
so what else ya been up to? :)
Labels: adoration, amused, appreciation, bftp, blogs, comfort, comments, dichotomy, drama, egmo, gmail, hope, mtmm, music, patience, softball, wwbs, wwjs
posted by candoor at 11:59 PM
5 Comments:
supreme court in cali has ruled early termination fees in cell contracts are illegal, thus cancel your at&t stupid aircard now!
go to local cable company and say cali is selling basic cable internet for $14.99 a month for 1 year (we here have cox (it sucks, but that's what we have) and time warner meep meep. anyway, http://blogs.chron.com/sciguy/archives/2008/09/post_50.html
get the cheapest speed "internet only" from cable and this will also enable cable for free for you, because they're unable to filter cable TV off the internet signal, so you get legal illegal cable TV too for well $14.99 a month + tax + cable modem cost (buy that at your local bestbuy if you have too, but make sure you do not LEASE it for $10 a month which is the way the cable company will want to sell it to you).
thusly for the 3rd time i insist just like that chick insisted she stays in burma with rocky vii or was that rambo? i digress, but please cancel your at&t air card and get cable internet only, no TV, it will be included with internet, but what use do you have for it anyway, there's nothing on TV anymore anyway.
let's pull a james bond move. cancel your at&t family plan. why do you have a family plan? you're alone! if you aren't alone, meaning you still pay for precious' phone line, then fine, but if you ARE alone, then cancel your at&t cell plan.
before you cancel, you send me the SIM card code of your very phone you use now.
with that code, i will then activate the line back, as the 5th line on my plan. this will cost you $29.99 a month plus tax, because i have to add some minutes to my plan.
unlimited texting is already on the plan. managing minutes correctly, i trust you know how, otherwise do not worry, my at&t account is managed by a former US Marine.
in other news, florida is out of gas? wtf? why would 14 refineries down in texarkana result in no gas on the east coast?
and why were these twenty some mexicans executed point blank?
hope this helps. hugs and call me sometime (or text me) if you're confused by my diabolic plan to dominate worldwide 4G internet access directly into your phone.
(c)-izazen.com + qualcommia
I think the title of this post says a lot, actually, and as I wandered around a bit through some branches and some of the right and left and other avenues of the labyrinth I find the title of this post everywhere really...between the lines, and actually right out on the lines too. I offer you the best of wishes for wherever that leads you...
For myself I find I am releasing my own snare, and taking my wounds away to put salve on them myself the way they need, and I am the one who knows what they need, contrary to what others seem to think they need...
I offer you the same understanding and compassion and honest love (I love that...honest love...one borrowed from you) I always have for the last several years...without any conditions or requests (okay, maybe one...that you keep good care of you)...and always hugs too, even though they are only virtual from thousands of miles away, and also my hope that your heart stays okay and that you finally see your own value one day...the hope that you will actualize the feeding of your body the food it deserves, moving it the way it deserves to keep it flowing and healthy, and exposing yourself to the people and relationships that you deserve... and are healthy for your heart and your life...for all are consistent with the unconditional love you long so much to give...and yet you haven't seemed to have given it to yourself...which makes me wonder whether the times you have written to the woman of your dreams you have been writing to yourself. Would you recognize her if you were playing softball with her or she was at one of your concerts, or even passing you by on the street? Really?
I'm always a phone call away, but I'm taking myself away from words online for awhile...(yes, I've said and done it before for short periods, but that was mostly due to fear...running away from myself rather than toward myself). There are old habits to break, there is a chronic world of body pain to learn new ways to cope with, there are new stresses and strains to forge through, hard as it is...and I know returning to the odd sort of comfort habits can provide is far easier than I would like to admit. But so far so good.
Feel free to ignore the babbling words I leave for you here one more time ( at least for a while). If I spoke out of turn, I know you will forgive me because that is the kind of heart you have. I guess we really write to ourselves when we write to others.
Be a good steward for the heart you have been given, and know that you are loved.
hugs :)
p.s. hugs to pernickety too...it is very good to see you have returned to share your hugs and your heart :)
there is no cable in this apartment community... the local exclusive contract company has big dishes outside and provide satellite tv at high cost ($75 or so for basic 200 channels, no movies or whatever) and no internet, satellite internet...
i'm not sure what they charge for the internet because att told me i could get their service here, but the girl on the phone was wrong as i found out a week later...
i've got to call and find out this week, but... the wireless signals coming into this space are 1 and 2 bars, with one having four bars (six or seven security protected signals cross here, which, combined with the giant satellite dishes outside, is probably why my att cell service is wonkier here than it's ever been...
so i shall live without tv for a while... i'll catch up with the few shows i enjoy someday... i'll miss college football season, but then, i've gone years without sports too... and years without a tv too...
maybe i'll get a newer computer with a tv card and see if i can get any signals, but everything is digital compressed coded signals around here, so i dunno...
so for internet, the att aircard is 3g, but slow due to all the interference around here... i'm almost getting used to it, a little)... i like the idea of being able to take it anywhere, though i'll have to buy a laptop that is actually mobile to go anywhere...
i will check the crap the local exclusive company sells...
as for a phone, precious and raspy use two of my extra lines... raspy will start paying for it eventually, probably after he gets back from the ukraine... his bills are lower now than they used to be...
i appreciate your offer, truly do, but the phone issue is not as much cost as it is location... i unfortunately found one of the few places that att has trouble with...
moving somewhere else might be the more wise move, however laziness and investment will probably keep me here for a year... only eleven months and ten days to go :)
the goal is to find the one and move in to a new shared space with her by the end of the year :)
all the techno inconveniences will mean nothing then (and they don't mean that much now, except i'll not be expanding my internet domination and expansion into the video world as fast as i might have... another year of living in the internet dark ages will not kill me (but if i die this year, it was not the internet, ok?)...
you are a fantastic person mikey, to me, at least (is that cuz i don't wear a pretty dress? :)
ah, for all the vulnerability and sensitivity and whining and pity party poor me weaknesses i might express in my writings, i am actually way too invulnerable for my own good... i rarely admit that because most people stop caring about me cuz it comes off as a brush off or too arrogance or just delusional...
and besides, this blog is about becoming human (something i've been trying to do on and off in every way possible for almost thirty five years, yes, the thirty-fifth anniversary of the end of the world as i knew it (so why did the sun go on shining?) is approaching and i have hardly any motivation to mark it with anything... i remember years ago i'd take days off, lock myself in computer chair, and write my heart out (and from what i was told, everybody else's too, but that's another time)...
yeah, so anyway, no worries (all the world's a stage and we, merely players doing our thing, after all)... you are with me as i wander and i appreciate that - and next time we talk you can (and better) ask anything you want to know so you can be reassured that all is well and life goes on, within me and without me, and i did not need the beatles to tell me that to be sure...
you know my number :)
eventually you may even get to know me (heck, i don't think anyone ever really knows anybody, but no worries, ok?)...
yay for your choices, yay for your taking care of yourself, yay for the will to leave some habits behind to develop new and better ones...
ah, perhaps you see through the mist to the mischievous child playing games with his own head and heart (candora knows)... when i write to the one i am writing to myself as well, for i am not being my own the one at the moment (the effort to become human was not all irreverent wordplay) and the theory goes that neither she nor i have to be actualized ourselves fully to actually meet because we'd know even if we were destroying ourselves worse than the average humans do... of course there may be a flaw in that theory as it hasn't happened yet, but then, it may just not be the right time...
i believe i would recognize her if she wanted me to, but that's the key, sometimes i do not want to be recognized these last few (however many years) and sometimes she may be in the same disguise... and on the other hand, all ego aside and being as truthful as i can, i know she's a very rare girl, for she too will be as active and secure (and insecure) and open-minded and fearless and extreme and childlike and open and honest and unwilling to compromise and independent and unconcerned about conformity as i am into her fifties and beyond... i intend for this body to die running a marathon (or something like it) or engaged in wild sex or falling out of a plane or some massive adrenaline hormonal rush that simply pops the circulatory system or some other way has the body saying enough...
and the one will be right there beside me laughing at the joy that life has been and is (or vice versa)...
your words are always welcome (and i do my best to find them, ignoring words meant for me is never my intention - even when the words are not as full of love as yours :)
and remember, just cuz i called does not mean i am completely over the anti-phone (or more, anti-calling-people-on-the-phone... almost as much as email, but i try) things... now more than ever the phone is an ugly reminder... so don't stop understanding how much an incoming is appreciated now, ok :)
stay true to you - and believe in you - and remember how good it feels to feel good :)
talk soon :)
Well maybe soon I could come over, since Mikey said he'll pick me up from BP in 2009 .. but then he also said he plans to never talk to me again, but then he also implied by that, that making plans is making the plans not work.. soo I guess by planning that, he actually made it oh wait I'm a bit lost..
Either way, glad to be reading you again!
J, hugs to you as well!
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