a musing with you

you missed the last and the one before and the one before that and then seventeen more, you missed the day, the month, the year, you missed so much, but have no fear, that's why i upload them, so when you get here, you can find all you want to share... has always been here... for you, for me, for us, right here...

ah, the night that should have found me fast asleep hours ago turned into a babblefest, albeit of minor proporations compared to some of my babblefests, but still i did a bit of looking around and as so often is the case, i loved what i found and you inspired me to continue along my merry way to bring you the great news i had nothing to say but you talked me into babbling on, anyway... thank you my blogspot family (and all my friends from elsewhere too, don't think i have forgotten you), for the gifts you leave for when i finally come around... and now, let's see where the night wandered...

perhaps i shall go off in search of the higgs boson, not related to the american bison, which may or may not be as easy to find... apparently, tens of thousands of the worlds most renounced scientists have gotten together to pinch their pennies and build the world's largest nuclear particle accelerator to date, affectionately known as the large haldron collider (oh those scientists and their pet names for their projects)... it is said that some time in 2009 when the lhc is fully functional (they have to shut it down in the winter cuz they built it under the alps), it will accellerate a proton faster than any particle accellerator has ever accelerated any particle, that is, 99.9999991% the speed of light... amazing, aye?... of course there are those worry-warts who are concerned about what might happen when such particles collide, but never fear, in case you are wondering in the large haldron collider has destroyed the earth yet, you are not alone... in fact, the tens of thousands of noted scientists who collaborated on the proected have provided a constantly updated website to answer that question at any moment of the day or night so we can all resst assured we will know first thing... just go to has the hlc destroyed the earth dot com (or click here) whenever the question arises and you will have your answer...

i should have known the wonderfully resourceful q9 would have scoped out the science behind the scenes, (and i do so love stephen hawkings' sense of humor... he may be the only person in the world who loves the unknown {and laughs at how seriously people take about everything} as much as i do)... i mean, i know this because of the secret mental messages we sense each other when nobody is looking... he wouldn't want it to get around, which is why he wouldn't mind me mentioning it here, but we come from the same planet in another universe and find humanity so odd sometimes, but being stuck here in our respective roles, we just continue to grin and bear it... though he does grin a bit more than i do... come to think of it, he does drool a bit more than i do as well, but then, that might be why he is grinning so much (shhhh, i won't tell all our secrets)... of course it could get really strange if you get his joke... ah, but all this is way above the heads of the ordinary nuclear physicist, so we just keep it to ourselves in our secret mental messages, so don't tell anybody, ok?...

of course you or anyone (but especially you) could find all this out at the institute, if you were to happen by when the custodian was giving a tour of the unseen unwashed lower levels... but then, who has time for such ninsense... besides, we were discussing p9, i mean, q9, who is not at all p9, in fact, she is much cuter and braves the strange mental world of adorable often enough to be family, but then, so is q9, if only for his fun photos of the rest of the universe and wealth of encyclopedic space cowboy references (and wouldn't you know he found the upside down rainbow too)... ah, but behind that lecherous glint is a heart of gold... still it was, i freely (if belatedly) admit, the lovely and talented p9 who stimulated my brain tonight with her clever banter and irreverent humors, so blame her that i am still awake and not getting my beauty sleep (but i thank her profusely) and i want her art on my wall... especially winds blow colder which so has me staring unabashed with both eyes... if may nudge my current background right off the screen... wait, i think i can embed it here (can you feel the excitement... feel it welling up inside)...


Winds blow colder.. by ~pernickety on deviantART

we'll have to wait until i upload this entry to see if it works, but now i hope you see what i see and all i need is a projector to put it in my wall... this one so totally grabs me and suchs me in and makes me want to see it as part of my home landscape... so whyb don't i make time to visit dear pernickety more often?... ah, these foolish games i play with my head, with my time, with my fingers... because i want to spend less time online and more time offline so i can find someone who enthralls me offline as much as you wonderful people enthrall me online... yeah, that's why... good reason too... still, i miss you...

i still don't have a frame for the flashback art dear j9 sent me... but then, i have barely unpacked but a few of the boxes so far... moving in is taking a lot longer than i thought it would... so little time... so little home... so much wanting to share it all... and what's up with z9 after all, vacationing in sunny seattle, perhaps... too much rain in sunnyego?... for while the mask is gone, the blog remains (though it, like the musical interludes i once enjoyed at la9, chokes my scrawny-necked bandwidth these days, i still love him even after the ninth divorce)... i mean, where else can you go to just sit with a friend?... or enjoy cartoon porn, for that matter (i so want to download and upload that to my video blog, but how?... how?... how?... it's taking all night to download just to see it... make the pleasure last, aye?... embed premium or standard... oh you so know how i want to be premium, baby)...

meanwhile the truth may be stranger than fiction (or hawking, for that matter), i am too loving cello, and jorane... harry always had a cellist... i always wanted a cellist... maybe i'll have one someday... but until that day, this is what i do when i'm alone... listening to the storm outside, the rain pouring down, the lights and the sounds... this is what i do when i am alone, add a word just for flavor, a syllable to savor... this is what i do when i am alone, create something new out of nothing so old... this is what i do when i am alone, i play with the words and watch dreams unfold... this is what i do, what i do, what i do when i am alone...

and the irony, besides the fact that this appears now that i've invited you all here in my own semi-random way, the thing that might appear as dichotomy and confusing from the outside is that i know who i believe i am more surely than anything else i know in this life (which is a bliss few seem to come near, a happiness few seem to express or acknowledge within themselves, a peace as perfect as perfect gets in this life, all this and more i experience when i am alone in the physical world and express in my head and in words every now and then when the muse is just right) and yet, to be proof positive sure in the shared reality of the shared physical world outside of my head where life actually exists to be proven real or pretense, it takes sharing, two, validation, confirmation, something i never experienced (which is the sadness, the dichotomy some sense, for a life partner who will commit to a shared reality has yet to appear)...

so the love you save is at the end of abbey road and the rest, well, we just enjoy...