the excitement of finding followers (and then some)

the fun of finding followers felt more alliterative, but the title wished to emphasize the excitement even more (and excitement is a higher energy level of fun, in case you weren’t putting fun through any analysis or thinking as much as i do about semantics and words and what words mean and how words mean different things in different contexts and situations and experiences and moments and welcome back my friends to the show that only seems to end now and end but actually will most likely continue on ad infinitum as far as i can tell cuz i have no way of knowing if the babbling will continue after this body dies so it will most likely continue until this body can no longer tap on the keys which is relatively forever in this lifetime and who knows, someone just might decide that the babbling is essential to the betterment and continued existence of mankind and start the next chapter and continue and so on and so forth and Scooby dooby doo dah day-o day-o daylight come and i want a nap cuz i’m pretty nocturnal but that’s another story and certainly this parenthetic aside has gone on long enough for an opening paragraph, aye?)… and then, unexpectedly, deep into the babble an entry might take a turn, and then some, as you will see if you read this one through...

yeah, so i decided on the title you see as the title and hello :)

yes, hello everyone and hello secret santas and silent readers and hidden friends and most especially in our current moment, hello followers… wait,

hello followers! :)

yeah, that’s better… i opened my eyes and wandered around and checked in with (e)thereal (where i sort of record, summarize, delight, vent, complain, or just briefly put a few (the key word there is few, or briefly, or sort of, depending on your point of view) words together to update anyone curious or caring to know what is happening day to day, almost kinda minute by minute in this life i experience loosely as mine and then i took a look at my blogger dashboard and realized i have almost fifty blogs here at blogspot (which is the most i have anywhere… i think i only have a couple of dozen at diaryland and just a few at livejournal and just one or two at a couple of dozen other places like the onion and stumblr and xanga and wordpress and weebly and myspace and vox and facebook and twitter and youtube and meetup and mindsay and … this could go on for a while and given time, links could be attached to each one, but for now, i’ll refer you to this page for more blogs and to this entry (just the last one back in fact) for more links than you’ll probably click on tonight, or tomorrow, for that matter, so we can continue on with this entry cuz there is a point somewhere in all this babble) and scanning down the list of blogs (here at blogger, in case forgot where we were before the parenthetic aside), i found there are eight (8!) followers, yes, you dear people who have clicked on follow for this meandering blog have grown to eight (8!) and gee golly gumpdrops that’s just great :)

is it my erudite affectations for alliterative irreverence or the limber linguistic leaps casually cast into the seemingly free-form flow of words?... or perhaps it’s the self-mockery (what self-mockery) of egocentric folly?... something inspired you to click on follow and now there’s a part of my brain asking me what i did write (yeah, and what i did right too) and how do i go about not boring you or offending you so you actually stick around cuz there’s nothing sadder on the internet than when the number of strangers on your friends or followers list suddenly goes down… that really is an odd thought, but tell me it’s not true, aye?...

even as i smirk with glee at the number eight (8!) and giggle at the thought that nine would be just fine… ah, the delight of ridiculously nugatory self-importance that so well points out the historically concentric perspective of collective humanity when pondering our apparent insignificance in the scope of the universe is a frequent amusement in the park of my mind…

douglas adams too, i imagine…

but you are not numbers, people, you are people, people, yes, not just people, but my people (not that i own you or anything, by mine in the sense that you chose me and that makes you precious and special and wonderful in my mind) and i’d like to know all about you (ah, the sad sigh of not having the time to spend a day or few reading what you’ve put on the web and chatting just to be able to scratch the surface of an actual introduction and tickle the smile of believing we are worth knowing, sharing, and being cared about, aye?... feel free to join in cuz sad sighs are less sad when shared… in fact, just the thought curls the corners of the lips up toward a smile)…

so i clicked a bit and the first click too me to a big smile even though i don’t understand the words and google translate didn’t help at all the song and brief video or gif and the sense that it is a shared blog was perfectly fitting for me as i dream of romance and friends and sharing (including in blogs) on a regular basis… i think it is this lovely person (and if it is, yay and hi :) who might have made this follow connection and someday i will explore other translation softwares to see if i can made heads or tales of the words on your pages… all ego and mock self-importance aside, it is so exciting to think that there might actually be a bit of communication going on amidst all this babble…

one of the primary oddities or perhaps a better word is awkwardness of finding followers is not being sure if they have a website or blog or anything that they want me to see… could be they don’t (have anything online or want me to see or both and even more potentially miscommunicating is that i might say hello on facebook or some other site and not have the same name there {for instance, i am bugs webbot on facebook and candor on myspace and ric other places} and my friend request may be seen as creepy or at least huh? and go unanswered and that is not quite as sad as seeing the number of followers or friends go down, it is still sad)… but still, sometimes i find amusements and meaningful tears in my eyes just browsing the list of others my followers follow… for instance, here and just the title of some blogs has me giggling with gleeful admiration for the creative play of the words… to you, dear follower who lead me to these and other blogs, i am the bugs webbot who sent you the friend request on facebook, i mean, just in case you wanted to know :)

sometimes i don’t even begin to know how to segue into a kinda sort of hello to someone, especially to a stranger following me on the internet, but please don’t think i want you to go if i am more awkward or even not mentioning you… it’s just that when there is no specific blog connected to you to read and no other form of contact or reference, i have no clue where to begin except to say hello and welcome and thanks for finding something that inspires you to click follow and i hope i don’t do anything to change your mind… so many blogs to choose from, wish i had more time…

and some of you i know from previous contact and so appreciate your words and the peak into your head and heart and life that you provide on the internet… sometimes we let time pass between contacts, sometimes someone seems to disappear, but your contact is always a wonderful smile and welcome, even when there is sadness or frustration or challenges to share… i can only hope my words bring a bit of positivity, maybe even a thought worth thinking, into your world…

and sometimes i stop into your blog and find i wish i could actually do something to help you smile cuz i want happiness and fulfillment and joy and feel sad when there is sadness in this world and i have no clue unless i find time to read back (and sometimes the source of the sadness is not even there) and sometimes it’s like a brick in the face and all i can do is say, love… i offer love…

. . .

out of respect, silence… and yet, i am not one to follow social norms so i present the puzzle to my mind and choose to continue in the hope that i might somehow offer distraction or amusement or maybe even some sort of cosmic coincidence that feels like something like a positive and meaningful light at the end of a long dark tunnel that only time and healing and lemonade can bring… and i think of my friend who lost a baby about six years ago and how devastating that was that all the questions and guilt and depression that followed and she moved away and started a new life and challenged her body and the universe again with another pregnancy and just last month she moved back and introduced to her healthy adorable four year old boy and he is so much more precious and appreciated and loved because his sister, who had a name and was just a couple of weeks away from normal term and independent life, did not make it into this world… though she did not make it into this world, she enriched many lives and blessed a family and friends with a much deeper and everlasting understanding of how precious and fragile and beautiful life is and for that, she lives and has great power and meaning…

this may not be the time to embrace this understanding, but it is true for my friends and me and many others who felt the loss and this is how i respect her and you and any who have known the loss of a child before or after birth… wasn’t planning on taking this babbling in this direction, but isn’t that exactly the point of this entry, that following, connecting, reading and sharing our lives on the internet (or in any way) brings us to a greater epiphany and richer tapestry so no matter how many times i become frustrated with life, no matter how many times relationships fail or misunderstandings hurt or people let me down, i must remember that continuing to share is as important as continuing to breathe, for only by continuing can we actualize the hope that our dreams will come true…

and in the end, when we make the best of it, it all works out for the best…

thank you for being here :)