holiday pig-out

on the food front, which is the heart and soul of my sensual life these days (alas, dear lust, I knew thee too well and forsake thee even better, but in a moment all can change if, as Art Garfunkle sang, the right one comes along... all this lust and thrust ready to bust when trust reclaims love as it must, but until then, I settle for yum)... this is the piggiest pig-out holiday season I've done to this body in, maybe ever, but at least top three for this lifetime...

I will get on the scale at the doctor's office Friday when I go for my check up and see the damage done and perhaps feel inspired to start the new year off with a renewed sense of life energy and body optimization that will bring me back from the self-indulgence (and is ultimately self-destructive and, for me personally, ever so isolating) to a balance that will invite what (and who) I truly want into this life again...

there's always hope, ya know?...

but this week, wow... the love affair with food has exploded into what mnight be the last blissful culinary passion of this lifetime (cuz if I don't stop soon, I'll surely blow up... it'll probably take a year and a jack-hammer to unclog my arteries... oh, but such amazing sensual ecstasy... and fun)...

I wonder if fat people know this sort of feeling or whether, like most over-indulgences that go too far, they are numb and just eat out of habit... that would be so sad, but from what I've experienced (and know of biology and biochemistry), makes too much sense... without retruning to the balance, the optimal sensory experience overloads and the sensory apparatus goes numb...

not much else knew... at work, the government man is panicking and leaving messages... apparently he expects me to drop everything and make time for him precisely when he wants without setting any sort of appointment or asking if it's ok and it's a week late, today, and there's a few days left in the year, and he knows he left our agency hanging way too long, and he's trying to cover his butt again... government incompetence at it's finest, all documented in emails and reports... sad, really, considering you and I pay his really nice salary and benefits and retirement...

and then there's chocolate everywhere as the place is a constant buffet of delicious foods and snacks and candies... if there was a contest for a workplace to gain the most weight, we'd win hands down... I did eat half a salad today...

at home, the pig-out rules...

merry happy yay! J