being sick alone is no fun
but on the other hand, I am a horrible patient because I am fiercely independent, must have things my way when it comes to healing, and am repulsed by over-dramatic pity... I cringe when someone says I'm sorry when finding out I am sick because it is worse than meaningless, it is stupid... but then, I have an aversion to the word sorry based on it's generally self-pathetic meaning... sorry is a sorry word and worse way to be... but it's not considered polite to ask a person who is sorry flat out what have you got to be sorry about?... so I often smile and ask why, what did you do? and sometimes they get it... more often I simply say it's not your fault or it's nothing you did or no reason to be sorry...
anyway...
my standards for nurturing are unique... and I almost always believe I know what is best for this body because I live in it (kind of a duh to me, if you know what I mean)... of course, if I am not in touch with this body, which is the state of being for most humans I've met, then I may not be the best one to decide what is best for this body... usually I am in touch though... in fact, too much so, but that's another story...
so I was/am sick... let's backtrack... some time Sunday evening I started feeling the unpleasant symptoms of urethritis, the start of a UTI (urinary track infection), including low grade fever... being a passer of kidney stones every decade or so (though that delightful event is on the increase), I tend to be prone to UTIs... I decided not to let a little unpleasantness stop me from going to the gym though, so I put on a sweat shirt to stay warmer...
an hour on the Lifecycle later a(with, ironically, excellent times) and I felt very fatigued... and then, about an hour later, the queasiness started... the E.Coli was moving into the bladder and producing all the usual symptoms of a bladder infection... a steamy hot shower soothed the body for a while, but the water in this place does not stay hot enough for true shower therapy (I so miss that) and sleep was not easy to find (so why am I still awake at 3am tonight?... shhhh, these are the times that I do not question my brain)... concern moved from should I get an antibiotic in the morning to should I call the doctor in the morning to oh no, I hope I don't have to go to the ER tonight...
somewhere along the way I fell asleep...
the sleep was restless though, with frequent trips to the bathroom... I kept popping cranberry capsules and got up to go to work... I asked my boss for a prescription and she gave me 5 days worth of Bactrim, which I hope will be enough because my doctor's receptionist said I could not talk to my doctor... that is the single real bummer of the day because I do not want a doctor who forces me to go to the emergency room or another doctor when I have a minor emergency and that was my only alternative if I wanted my urine tested (which is the right procedure)... alas, personal trust is gone and that makes for a piss poor doctor patient relationship...
anyway, I left work at noon and got my antibiotics and while there, had my opil changed and shopped for food and then came home and took some more cranberry (I couldn't find BearBerry at the store) and felt ok enough to eat so I had the salad I got for lunch at work and a can of soup... then I vegged in the big green chair... a bit of a nap... Prison Break and 24 on the TV... then 40 minutes at the gym... I allowed myself to stop at 40 minutes cuz I am fighting E.Coli in my spare time, after all, and I did not want a repeat of last night wherein I left too little energy for the fight and the E.Coli started moving toward my kidneys...
I am feeling a bit better now, that is, no more of the call of the bathroom symptoms (except the frequent urination, which is as much due to the hourly 20 hounces of water I am consuming as the UTI)... the good news is I am finding much will power to avoid food and dropped to another couple of pounds according to the gym scale...
and the last few hours I've been all excited about my new statistical tracking software and while I still have more to learn, it's almost just what the doctor in my head ordered... ways to record the physical experience, choices, and changes this body is going through and view statistics (have I mentioned that I love statistical games enough yet?)... it's not perfect, but it's a fun new toy...
ok, so maybe it's a little fun :}
and here we are... I should get to sleep so the body can do some more healing and not relapse, especially since I only have 5 days worth of antibiotics and the usual course is 10-14 days... I may try my doctor again if there are still symptoms on day four and see if she is simply too busy to deal with this level of care or if the receptionist made a big mistake in blocking my call and suggesting I try another doctor or the ER... I think I'm going to start shopping around for another doctor cuz I'd like one that is much more into holistic and herbal medicine anyway...
hope you are finding something to smile about in your world tonight :)
anyway...
my standards for nurturing are unique... and I almost always believe I know what is best for this body because I live in it (kind of a duh to me, if you know what I mean)... of course, if I am not in touch with this body, which is the state of being for most humans I've met, then I may not be the best one to decide what is best for this body... usually I am in touch though... in fact, too much so, but that's another story...
so I was/am sick... let's backtrack... some time Sunday evening I started feeling the unpleasant symptoms of urethritis, the start of a UTI (urinary track infection), including low grade fever... being a passer of kidney stones every decade or so (though that delightful event is on the increase), I tend to be prone to UTIs... I decided not to let a little unpleasantness stop me from going to the gym though, so I put on a sweat shirt to stay warmer...
an hour on the Lifecycle later a(with, ironically, excellent times) and I felt very fatigued... and then, about an hour later, the queasiness started... the E.Coli was moving into the bladder and producing all the usual symptoms of a bladder infection... a steamy hot shower soothed the body for a while, but the water in this place does not stay hot enough for true shower therapy (I so miss that) and sleep was not easy to find (so why am I still awake at 3am tonight?... shhhh, these are the times that I do not question my brain)... concern moved from should I get an antibiotic in the morning to should I call the doctor in the morning to oh no, I hope I don't have to go to the ER tonight...
somewhere along the way I fell asleep...
the sleep was restless though, with frequent trips to the bathroom... I kept popping cranberry capsules and got up to go to work... I asked my boss for a prescription and she gave me 5 days worth of Bactrim, which I hope will be enough because my doctor's receptionist said I could not talk to my doctor... that is the single real bummer of the day because I do not want a doctor who forces me to go to the emergency room or another doctor when I have a minor emergency and that was my only alternative if I wanted my urine tested (which is the right procedure)... alas, personal trust is gone and that makes for a piss poor doctor patient relationship...
anyway, I left work at noon and got my antibiotics and while there, had my opil changed and shopped for food and then came home and took some more cranberry (I couldn't find BearBerry at the store) and felt ok enough to eat so I had the salad I got for lunch at work and a can of soup... then I vegged in the big green chair... a bit of a nap... Prison Break and 24 on the TV... then 40 minutes at the gym... I allowed myself to stop at 40 minutes cuz I am fighting E.Coli in my spare time, after all, and I did not want a repeat of last night wherein I left too little energy for the fight and the E.Coli started moving toward my kidneys...
I am feeling a bit better now, that is, no more of the call of the bathroom symptoms (except the frequent urination, which is as much due to the hourly 20 hounces of water I am consuming as the UTI)... the good news is I am finding much will power to avoid food and dropped to another couple of pounds according to the gym scale...
and the last few hours I've been all excited about my new statistical tracking software and while I still have more to learn, it's almost just what the doctor in my head ordered... ways to record the physical experience, choices, and changes this body is going through and view statistics (have I mentioned that I love statistical games enough yet?)... it's not perfect, but it's a fun new toy...
ok, so maybe it's a little fun :}
and here we are... I should get to sleep so the body can do some more healing and not relapse, especially since I only have 5 days worth of antibiotics and the usual course is 10-14 days... I may try my doctor again if there are still symptoms on day four and see if she is simply too busy to deal with this level of care or if the receptionist made a big mistake in blocking my call and suggesting I try another doctor or the ER... I think I'm going to start shopping around for another doctor cuz I'd like one that is much more into holistic and herbal medicine anyway...
hope you are finding something to smile about in your world tonight :)
Labels: food, germs, gym, health, hope, life, loneliness, missing, ouch, rest, smile, sniffles, toys, TV
posted by candoor at 11:59 PM
6 Comments:
oh, man, i am sooooo sorry you are sick! *sniff-sniff* next time, don't forget to wash your hands after going to the bathroom, fucktard! also, wiping off tricyclette handlebars at gym after you sweat all over them would help too!
ah wish i wuz your GP, i'd give you bananas in lieu of suppositories to cure your jackass fever!
hugs & loogie:z!
3o,ooo lbs of harry chapin banana:z up yo azz in case i didn't make myself metaphorically clear, i only speak literally!
Okay, so taking the lesson from the first paragraph I won't say I am sorry you are sick, but I will say I am sad you are sick and wish you weren't sick and that I hope you are getting better exponentially and that I do wish I could do more than just offer words like that which I suppose are really empty and meaningless when they can't be accompanied by action like getting the cranberry juice and making homemade soup and cookies and all the things that bring comfort when sick.
So anyway, no I'm sorry, cuz I prolly have written that to you many many times, and I think there is a good lesson you provide that sometimes words can become habits too and it isn't a bad thing to step back once in a while and take a look at those habits.
I do hope you feel better today though :) You must be water logged by now.
yeah, I love you too...
the most likely suspect is soy burgers that spoiled on the freezer door because roommates have a havur of opening the freezer/fridge repeatedly and forgetting that they are staring, much like the television... or it could have been another spoiled food product... the fact that I made an exception and started cooking in the filthy kitchen lately in an attempt to eat healthier is a close second on that list... since it came late on a Sunday, and since, after workjing hospitals much of this life I have this habit of hand washing that most consider odd, if not OCD, I doubt it was hospital related... it definitely was assisted by the 2 hours non-stop (and dehydration) at the gym on the 13th consecutive night and sudden cheese pizza and greasy foods and then additional hour setting new records one the 14th consecutive night followed by the tainted soy burgers and another hour of pushing when I probably should have rested on the 15th consecutive night of pretending this body is in great shape by kicking gym butt for 15 consecutive nights and dropping too much weight too quickly after more than a year of sedentary malaise...
yeah, kick me when I'm down, why don't I?... I do because that's when I need it from myself the most (which is why I appreciate your crap, my dear Z0tl, cuZ you do it so well :}
this pissy mood is brought to you by the letter FUK, as in, FUK I SLEPT THROUGH MY GYM TIME TONIGHT! (in Sam Kennison tones) and by just an hour too... seconded by the dumbness of eating a freaking whole pound of cow in a single sitting just four hours ago, knowing beef is one of the kidney stone helpers I so do not need at this particular time, along with a ton (ok, maybe 12 ounces) of cheese, the enemy of my kidneys when they are down like they are at the moment, and ketchup and all in all, more carbs than I've had in a few weeks (which is what put me into such a sweet deep sleep for the last few hours) and here I am rambling on in this comment instead of doing what I meant to do when I wrote the ultra-brief entry I just posted before coming here to respond to your comments...
idjits, unite!...
no, idjits do enough uniting and self-destructing (not to mention world destruction) already... no uniting, maintain distances and snicker cynically and aloofly as if we're each the only one who isn't an idjit and don't forget to occasionally roar loudly to give the impression that we're the king of beasts, or something like that...
it's the American way, after all...
so anyway, tonight we find out just how much better I feel, what with the acid test (literally) for my innards (digestively and renally speaking)... and before I pass out pathetically on the big green chair for the night, I shall step out and walk until I jog and jog until I run and run until I feel like I've tested the body enough...
hopefully, I shall return...
I love the way you come off as good cop bad in these comments, by the way... and the insight you express too... if you were here I'd give you a hugh before grumbling off into the dark of night :}
PS... a hugh is a kind of semi-reluctant almost mushy hug that is akin to a sudden meltdown that abruptly ends and grumbles off into the dark of night...
or a typo...
especially if nobody notices it :}
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