body thoughts and life
I got a message on the phone today reminding me about an appointment I made for tomorrow with a gastroenterologist type doctor at the bequest (nay, demand at the threat of expulsion) of my regular doctor (who I respect, but feel is kind of an alarmist overly cautious type, maybe)... and maybe it's time to deal with the occasional pains I get in the liver area since it's the liver enzymes that have my regular doc all up in arms lately... and here I always thought it would be the kidneys that would give out first... they've been pushed to their limits too in this newly awakening exercise madness I've undertaken recently... human or not, I am certainly in a very imperfect body...
meanwhile, after a rather queasy day that might have been caused by excessive exercise or not eating anything at all yesterday (and drinking more than a gallon and a half of water... there is such a think as too much water, after all) or some bug in all the fresh greens and stuff I eat from the salad buffet at work (but I didn't eat yesterday, right) or the fact that I have started cooking in a kitchen that is never actually clean and where everything is covered in a layer of animal fat and fish oil or maybe just another phase of the kidneys or liver or some part of the body warning me to rest more or maybe just the feeling of body fat being squeezed and consumed cuz there's no food coming in or perhaps the muscles of the abdomen themselves waking and aching a bit after years of dormancy...
I still went down for 40 minutes on the machine and 3.75 miles in the first 30 minutes is far from a light pace, but 40 minutes makes it a light workout compared to the workouts of the past month... and now, instead of going to bed and getting some extra sleep, I am waiting for some fish to bake cuz even though I am not actually hungry, I think the body may be and all the experts say that fasting is not the best way to do what I am doing cuz fasting puts the body in shock mode and lowers the metabolism and resists using fat stores and so on...
right, so hopefully I'll start on the path to finding out that I am not dying from a failing liver or kidneys and the inner aches are just muscles and organs reawaking and struggling to return to some sort of healthy, active, awake, sensitive state...
or at worst, I've got some stones in the gall bladder (I already know they're in the kidneys) and we'll deal with treating a repairable body part...
now I have a new blog (not one of the two new ones mentioned yesterday, but an older new one just started in the past month or so) called body thoughts that would probably be the right place for this, but here it is anyway...
after all, you are here...
meanwhile, at work, I finally gathered all the data for the end of month report that was due last week and I will start putting it into the database tomorow and maybe get it out on Monday cuz I am considering taking Friday off just to rest (my birthday gift to me?)... this is the first month I am late with any report and nobody in the place actually knows unless I tell them and the place I send the data too is still reconciling 2006 data, so I doubt they'll notice or care about a week or two... there's just less time to work on the other projects people seem to take for granted that I'll do for them... they'll survive...
just like I survive the environment and influences and farts...
at home, Precious's drama drama (that is, the drama that is the drama department at her school, which has been virtually her whole life for quite some time now because her best friends are wrapped up in it even more than she is - one is the lead in the production, the other is the lighting director, and a third is the second role)... the lead lost his part due to irresponsible actions and attitude last week, but the teacher-director is reconsidering because she's an ass to begin with and should never have allowed the situation to get where it got and she overreated publically because she is the biggest drama queen and prima donna of them all (and she's the adult, teacher, director, role model)... anyway, he might be getting his part back... he's got an amazing voice, famous in the high school community as one of the top male voices in the area...
and after the fish and some rest I feel much better... that points to muscle fatigue... perhaps it is an imbalance of protein or some nutrient... hopefully it is muscle pain and the salt and other nutrients and a bit of rest fixed it... anyway, the fasting and high intensity exercise is not the ideal way so I'll just have to be a bit more patient... after all, I am three pounds away from the April 19th goal which is way ahead of schedule, but still, so many years have gone...
I feel like I'm blah blah blahing in circles again... I suppose that is what I do most of the time, but it's easy to fool myself into thinking this is the first moment I am realizing something or revealing some information... trying to feel like it matters or is important or something cuz I want it to matter and be important as the first time when I find the one, you know, that romantic fantasy I live for?...
yeah, still the same old song...
the more I move the more I wake the more I wake the more I miss the more I miss the more I ache the more I ache the more I realize how much time is passing without what I want most in this life and all the lamenting and pity-partying is part of why I don't have what I want most and so all I need is a little more patience (who's that?... Guns and Roses?) and hope and positivity and continuing the return to being physically as alive as possible again...
hope you continue doing what is best for you too...
meanwhile, after a rather queasy day that might have been caused by excessive exercise or not eating anything at all yesterday (and drinking more than a gallon and a half of water... there is such a think as too much water, after all) or some bug in all the fresh greens and stuff I eat from the salad buffet at work (but I didn't eat yesterday, right) or the fact that I have started cooking in a kitchen that is never actually clean and where everything is covered in a layer of animal fat and fish oil or maybe just another phase of the kidneys or liver or some part of the body warning me to rest more or maybe just the feeling of body fat being squeezed and consumed cuz there's no food coming in or perhaps the muscles of the abdomen themselves waking and aching a bit after years of dormancy...
I still went down for 40 minutes on the machine and 3.75 miles in the first 30 minutes is far from a light pace, but 40 minutes makes it a light workout compared to the workouts of the past month... and now, instead of going to bed and getting some extra sleep, I am waiting for some fish to bake cuz even though I am not actually hungry, I think the body may be and all the experts say that fasting is not the best way to do what I am doing cuz fasting puts the body in shock mode and lowers the metabolism and resists using fat stores and so on...
right, so hopefully I'll start on the path to finding out that I am not dying from a failing liver or kidneys and the inner aches are just muscles and organs reawaking and struggling to return to some sort of healthy, active, awake, sensitive state...
or at worst, I've got some stones in the gall bladder (I already know they're in the kidneys) and we'll deal with treating a repairable body part...
now I have a new blog (not one of the two new ones mentioned yesterday, but an older new one just started in the past month or so) called body thoughts that would probably be the right place for this, but here it is anyway...
after all, you are here...
meanwhile, at work, I finally gathered all the data for the end of month report that was due last week and I will start putting it into the database tomorow and maybe get it out on Monday cuz I am considering taking Friday off just to rest (my birthday gift to me?)... this is the first month I am late with any report and nobody in the place actually knows unless I tell them and the place I send the data too is still reconciling 2006 data, so I doubt they'll notice or care about a week or two... there's just less time to work on the other projects people seem to take for granted that I'll do for them... they'll survive...
just like I survive the environment and influences and farts...
at home, Precious's drama drama (that is, the drama that is the drama department at her school, which has been virtually her whole life for quite some time now because her best friends are wrapped up in it even more than she is - one is the lead in the production, the other is the lighting director, and a third is the second role)... the lead lost his part due to irresponsible actions and attitude last week, but the teacher-director is reconsidering because she's an ass to begin with and should never have allowed the situation to get where it got and she overreated publically because she is the biggest drama queen and prima donna of them all (and she's the adult, teacher, director, role model)... anyway, he might be getting his part back... he's got an amazing voice, famous in the high school community as one of the top male voices in the area...
and after the fish and some rest I feel much better... that points to muscle fatigue... perhaps it is an imbalance of protein or some nutrient... hopefully it is muscle pain and the salt and other nutrients and a bit of rest fixed it... anyway, the fasting and high intensity exercise is not the ideal way so I'll just have to be a bit more patient... after all, I am three pounds away from the April 19th goal which is way ahead of schedule, but still, so many years have gone...
I feel like I'm blah blah blahing in circles again... I suppose that is what I do most of the time, but it's easy to fool myself into thinking this is the first moment I am realizing something or revealing some information... trying to feel like it matters or is important or something cuz I want it to matter and be important as the first time when I find the one, you know, that romantic fantasy I live for?...
yeah, still the same old song...
the more I move the more I wake the more I wake the more I miss the more I miss the more I ache the more I ache the more I realize how much time is passing without what I want most in this life and all the lamenting and pity-partying is part of why I don't have what I want most and so all I need is a little more patience (who's that?... Guns and Roses?) and hope and positivity and continuing the return to being physically as alive as possible again...
hope you continue doing what is best for you too...
Labels: babble, blogs, changes, farts, fatigue, food, gym, health, life, LJ-MD, loneliness, missing, mtmm, real, rest, sigh, weight, work
posted by candoor at 11:59 PM
3 Comments:
may i be the 1st to wish you happy one day before birthday?
lol, the kitchen sounds like an environmental disaster zone.
Not that drinking too much water should be bad - just that we cannot all of a sudden deny the body of all the nutrients and poisons its become accustomed to - overnight.
Like every drug, the body has to be readjusted gently.
Gosh if I try and go without caffeine for a day or two I get a veritable headache. I know I accidentally bought a jar of decaf once - and thought I'd put up with the 'taste' or lack of
but after two days I just had to have a double expresso. lol!
yes, and thank you Z...
I may just throw myself a party over in the land of the mostly dead tonight as I'll probably spend tomorrow napping alone cuz Precious will be gone all day (and she's wrapped up in herself and her obsessions and drama anyway) and Rasputin just tonight inted that our dinner plans for tomorrow are off by telling me he has no money and I already told everyone at work I was busy cuz all week he and I planned on going to one of the restaurants where I'd get a free meal cuz it's my birthday (like we did for his if you recall that entry) and took tomorrow off... alas, how did I know that was coming? (ah, S, perhaps you recall the conversation when I said I've come to expect this in this life... so time for me to party with me, of me, by me, for me, like the constitution or Declaration of Independence or one of those documents said :}
I appreciate you, Z, and what caring and attention I do get even more :)
and wise Q, yup, the changes I am puting this body through are challenging it to adjust and it's spitting up the crap it's accumulated (like another kidney stone it popped out today... I could make a bracelet if I saved them all), but dig we must and onward I forged to another 50 minutes at the gym tonight (stopped only because the Deputy came in on time and delyed cuz Precious had to talk about the same drama as I was walking out the door)... I shall survive and feel better and finally wake up or die, thems the choices in life and I accept them...
caffeine is the drug of choice in this house with at least a half gallon of Pepsi going into each of my roommates every day (and they take Ibuprofen for headaches several times a week cuz they can't get enough caffeiene in themselves to ward off the headaches that come from years on the drug), but I've stopped that and just about everything else in the past five weeks and try not to give into the inflences around me...
I appreciate your mind and visits... I'm gonna go write an entry now :)
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