and yet I appreciate you so much

that's SO much, to you... as apathetic and ambivalent and whatever word fits, sardonic, cynical, blah-say, depressed, even, I get about the whole internet experience and how far away we are and how RealTime™ in immediate RealSpace™ seems so empty because it is devoid of any RealSharing™ (most especially of the physical senses variety... and spoken like a true Dorothy, I think I miss eye contact the most of all... cha... kisses too, shhhh), I love the interaction of reading your thoughts and feelings and imagining being some sort of part of your lives through the written words we put out here on the web...

there, I said it... whatever I said...

I wrote much of the following to someone I read as regularly as I read anyone who does not comment regularly (which is whenever I can, as much as I can, but usually once a week and sometimes once a month) and I realized that the sentiment goes out to many people I read, people I wish I had more time to read, people I wish I really knew and shared some RealSharing™ in RealTime and RealSpace™ (ya know?) so I clarified it to mean what I want it to mean to a whole lot of wonderful people who may be imaginary to a large extent, but are as real as words can be:

I wish I had the time to demonstrate (and prove to you) how much respect I have for you as an artist, how much I would like to know you as a friend, how sad I am that I do not have the time to come by a read and comment daily or comment-communicate with you and your other commenters, how much I enjoy coming by your sites when I do, and how much I care and would dearly miss you if you suddenly disappeared from the net or my occasional view... most of all, I wish you knew how much I'd like to talk to you, look into your eyes, discover who you really are, and meet you offline, and truly become your friend...

yeah, that's what I mean to say deep down... might even go on the sidebar, after all... so I want to thank you for putting up with my whining and complaining about how lonely it seems sometimes writing all by myself and how unappreciated I may feel because I don't have hundreds of devoted commenters... but then, I don't want hundreds of devoted commenters who don't know me at all... and I sure don't want people coming to use my comments as a soapbox or stage as so often happens in popular sites... even if ego looks at me dumbfounded as I write this (and I grin at the attention-seeking ham, talk about attention deficit disorder)...

my ego has ADD²... not only does it have trouble staying focused on any one thing for long, but it suffers from an excrutiating deficit in attention because it is insatiable and can never get enough attention...

Rodney Dangerfield, eat your necktie (that's what they called those things in his day)... yeah, I miss babbling... and I'm not the only one... I hope someday that you'll join us... and the world will live as if everything makes perfect sense even though nobody has any idea what's really going on (or what we're saying)... unconditional trust is a beautiful thing, almost like ignorance is bliss, except it's a choice... without all that waiting for death for the good stuff to start, ya know?...

so we've all got our reasons for being here and this classic post shall shine long after I am gone even if it is under a rock because I put it there, or here, for that matter... ego hopes... but the heart knows, the few of you who come to find these words can feel it... you know what I mean... and that is why I appreciate you SO much...