old habits

staying up past sunrise last night, wandering around myspace waving at more people and listening to more music, so I didn't wake until after noon today... waiting for Rasputin to decide if he's going to treat me to Crazy Buffet (my favorite buffet in town and we almost never go, not even for my birthday when I could get a free meal, cuz Raspy isn't crazy about buffets and his schedule seldom allows a thirty minute trip across town... but I treated him to Grand Buffet {second favorite} the past two Saturdays and he mentioned it this week)... lazy day...

and the phone rings and a wonderful new friend enters my head through my ears... I was torn between Crazy Buffet and staying on the phone when Raspy knocked on my door, but did the social thing with the roommates cuz the opportunity to go to Crazy Buffet might not come up for a while...

yes, the taste buds continue to be indulged... it's so easy to fall into the old habits... and lazy days, no gym, dumb dumb, but a decadent sensory pleasure nonetheless... for better or worse, the Grand Buffet has ben better than this last trip to the Crazy Buffet, in case you just had to know...

and back wandering myspace... I'm not sure why I didn't come here until now, but I don't have a whole lot to say these days... of course the old habit of wondering who cares and what's the difference and waaa waaa waaa pity-party crap is probably going on somewhere in my subconscious, but I've gotten so good at distracting myself with waving at new people and listening to new music at myspace that I don'y notice much...

I wonder how sad that is...

as I laugh...

maybe Wonderwall should be playing about now... longing for someone musical to share with grows when I start pondering like this... maybe that's the point... I left the two entries up at myspace and the one up here for a week in the hopes that the one might notice... and because I really do appreciate you (pathetic or not, I thrive on the words and attention left for me in comments, even from strangers)... and I probably do not bring it to the surface often enough to reflect how vital it is to my completeness, but I so wish I had more musical sharing in this life... ah, the long lost love of music...

but still, today brought the excitement of talking to a new friend who seems to relate to my brain and my love of books... in this life, especially in the daily life offline, the actual acknowledgement of caring deeply does not happen personally for me at all lately... nothing intimate, no deep connections... nobody's wanted to know me that much... this is the longest I've ever gone without a truly intimate friend...

and I reflect now on how the mind has been distracted so well I've left most of me elsewhere... and the heart has been sleeping so long (and it's gone so deep into sleep of late I wonder it perhaps it's still not completely recovered from the last time I fell in love and broke it (even though I haven't been back to that garden in four years)...

still, somehow, hope smiles and I continue exploring new ways to expand my connections and share... myspace is the current way... I've considered the personals like eharmony, match, and other paid sites, but somehow never believed in paying for a service like that because when I try them on free trials (and I've tried many, even did an eharmony profile once) they come up with a big nothing...

never know what secrets might be found late on a Saturday night when nobody's looking, aye?...

nite nite :)