blinded by the light (or dark, for that matter)

or perhaps it was the speed... so did the musical interludes in the previous entry work for you?... anybody?... hello? (queue echo)...

i think maybe the lullaby put everybody to sleep at 2am… and then the pathways through the stars (huh?) were slipped in after the fact (or as an afterthought, because really, what do facts have to do with the human experience, anyway?) and the crunch of modern life (or projecting the illusion of having one at the very least) leaves no time for the deeper explorations that require the one experience we fail to grant ourselves, the time to share, so most of the meaningful potential remains dormant within the subtext of any conversation that might have been, but all is not lost for it is recorded somewhere (like, here, there, and everywhere, for instance… not to mention in the sidebars {sidebars?} within and beyond the trees of madness, not to mention rainbows) , so fret not my fragile children, no worries my tender friends, take it easy my sensitive souls, and chill my precious cargo, we shall make it through to the peace and pleasure and rewards dreamt of in all human sub-consciousness since before the beginning of time, someday (re: Moody Blues Seventh Sojourn and Blue Jays for starters, not to mention Pink)…

is anybody in there?…

anyway, whatever you do, don't let the sound of your own wheels stop your turning… or the incessant droning of the TV, for that matter… or the blare of the lights… or the absence of depth… or the lack of time… or anything…

yeah, so Orlando is one of the tourist capitals of the world… or capitols, even… but lately it's showing it's stupider sides… it is, but some national poll or survey or something, number eleven in crime in the country… that means there are ten cities in the USA with more crime than Orlando… and thousands with less… it is also horrible in the house market, or something like that… and now the governor is expanding gambling to the tribal lands, as if it's ok the allow gambling because white people destroyed the culture of the tribal people who were living here long before the white people ever got here… so don't you see the logical next question?... why aren't former Africans brought here against their will being given gambling permits?... or Mexicans?... perhaps the white folk trust the tribal people more than they trust… ok, i'll stop before this gets political, correct or not…

after all, i'm learning how to be human, so i don't want to go having serious thoughts or, heaven forbid, use logic and reasoning… meanwhile, how could i possible be down on the people of Orlando just because i've not met the over the rainbow coalition or anyone who relates to me in daily life or even a fine upstanding lust interest with whom to pass the time or streak naked through some park festival or night at the beach?... no really, there are intelligent life here… and one of the most intelligent of all kicked me in the head just right just the other day and this is what fell out (you might have already read it, but heck, i want to immortalize (or is that mortify?) it by including it in a blog entry… posterity, ya know):

i sometimes miss lifelong relationships so much, it hurts, but then, they never really end if you don't want them to, even if some people think they do... some can pretend to turn off their feelings and forget the meaning of the energy inspired inside, but it's always there... no matter what we call it, it's always there... waiting to be acknowledged, released, rediscovered, and embraced once again...

that's why the best feelings ever are the ones that bring the purity of love and forgiveness and unconditional caring together... and all the walls come down...

pride, fear, ego, selfishness, insecurity, doubt - whatever builds the wall, the best feeling ever is when the wall comes down... even if there was no wall to begin with...

and then i read your entry (cuz until this line, i only scanned a few words and felt what i thought you were saying) and i want to laugh and cry and so i smile contented because the question that comes to mind first is simply...

protect themselves from what?

and i find myself amused, giggling deep down, as i know all too well the horrors of betrayed unconditional trust and still i find the question more natural and real to me as anything...

and i still sing, what have i got to lose, somebody might wave back...

and i keep waving...

and i feel, what have i got to lose, somebody might love back...

and i keep loving...

and i think, what have i got to lose, somebody might trust back...

and i keep trusting...

cuz there's nothing more rewarding or fun or exciting or meaningful or worth living for...

hurts fade away, love and trust lasts forever :)

and i mean it, in spite of my pathetic whining and supposed self-doubting and meat-eating frenzied madness, there is always hope (yes, that is where all this began, long before there was any record of it in RealTime™ or anywhere else… I remember, even if nobody else does, it was real and still is, so there)… and someday, when i am ready to invite someone into this pig-sty apartment, i'll start sharing myself again… i really ought to start running again so i can take life seriously…

but then, just when you weren't sure if you thought i was getting serious about being a free spirit over the rainbow space cadet or whether i was going to get real again, have i mentioned how much i love daryl hannah lately?... her video blog may be my favorite of all celeb video blogs, but then, i've always had a secret crush on her, so i am apparently biased… i could probably get over it if she'd marry me, so let her know, ok?...

yeah, just let me know when you want to get serious, cha? :)