and this is what i do too (two)…

the previous entry may be one that ought to be listed on the side bar as entries of note or some such highlighting if and when i ever do such highlighting of specific entries because it does attempt to clarify the written me more deeply than most entries ever come near, even if it did not succeed (but then, is there ever complete success in communication or clarity?... another subject for another post, no doubt) cuz i would like to be known by someone and the free form random access babbling maze i create in my written world may not be the easiest path to navigate for the one or few who actually do want to know me as completely as two can know each other so i suppose i ought to consider taking the time to read through everything i've ever written and select some specific things to highlight in order to provide some path that has some reasonable chance of success without spending years studying the maze…

ok, maybe tomorrow…

for today I refer you to the previous entry and comments for the precursor, inspiration, part one of this entry (most especially the comments, because i think and hope your words helped me clarify a thing or to, but then, clarity is in the mind of the beholder, so that's up to you and, ultimately, how often do we have the patience or the time to work through the confusions and misunderstandings and cloudiness of communication to achieve truly shared clarity and, in the end, as much as it can enhance everything, it is not necessary for the trust necessary for sharing as trust based in blind faith is just as real an illusion as trust based in truly shared clarity of empirical thought, ya know… or something like that), which seeks to reach for more clarity in the ultimate introduction and definition of the being called me, writer of these and other rambles, for anyone who cares and has time to really wanna now…

words are such amusing things, to me at least… i hope you find the laughter in the words and between the lines, for most of the time there is more laughter than would be considered polite in normal human company and civilized affairs, but then, this is my world of words and there is no striving to be normal (though there may still be a tad of effort to explore and understand what being human is about still lingering after many hundreds of entries even as much of my mind is pondering elsewhere and considering another concept or reason to write {blog} all over again {as if concept is needed, so maybe a return to the freeform btc is on the horizon}, but that's beside the point) anywhere in my world (except when trying to imitate the style as i do from time to time in my rhymes and occasionally in prose), so mostly i don't mention it or apologize for it cuz no harm is intended and most of the time it blows right past without being noticed no matter how much i might hope it is found and appreciated for what it is…

this is what i do… i write to continue sharing when no one is around and for me because i love sharing and want to share more than others around me do… in fact, the writing shares more than anyone ever did cuz no one in my experience has ever opened up to me as much as i open up and sharing is based on mutual opening up and the lowest common opening-up is the most sharing that can be in any given shared experience… it's all very scientific and mathematical, like everything else, if you really want to figure it out… but that's not necessary, even though it is much fun for minds like mine…

in case you are following any of this, or even want to, the following thoughts were inspired by the comments to the previous entry (which might make the following thoughts make more sense so you really ought to read them if you want to reach for more clarity and understanding and sharing and so on) and i share them here for posterity and anyone who did not read the previous entry and comments cuz that includes almost the entire universe and, after all is said and done, the ultimate sharing is communicating clearly with the entire universe… and for me in particular, ultimate sharing would be sharing the ultimate sharing w intimately with one who can and wants to and will and does each moment everywhere… of course i am being redundant, but then, such is the path to clarity…

thanks to you who inspired me and now, this:

after writing, whether it's purging or creating or whatever it may be, i feel wonderful... it's the expression of the experience and emotion that usually thrills me and at the very least, amuses me... i suppose my laughter does not always come through in the words, but it's rare that it isn't happening as i write... this entry (now it would be the previous entry) especially tickled me because it's so true for me personally in so many ways...

and strange as i may be, the closer i get to myself inside, the more intimately and deeply and honestly and focused i am in my communication within myself, the more euphoric and less lonely i feel (even though i am writing alone)… the feeling is beyond expression except to say one with everything or some such philosophical experience… it's really wonderful, it is…

as for intro-extro verts, i am wide open and eager to share with anyone in the world around me, too much so for most adults… i think everybody is introverted compared to me when i share… maybe it is not for me to judge… i feel fear walls around everyone in this world, kind of like an aura, i suppose… a barrier of relatively silent energy (though it screams out at me sometimes, only not in ways that ears can hear) that keeps conscious awareness (or at least the mutual acknowledgment of it) from getting too real, intense, serious, deep, heavy, much, time-consuming, intimate, or whatever word might fit there…

while it may seem, even to me sometimes, that i take refuge in words, it's more the thing i do when no one is around and i want to keep sharing… writing is my imaginary sharing, my solitary sharing, my infinite eternal sharing… cuz to do other sharing requires someone else with whom to share and there is not always someone else around 24/7 and i want to share more than i have people around to share and so i ramble on like this until i fall asleep, get distracted, or someone comes along to share…

meanwhile, by irony, coincidence, synchronicity, divine intervention, or whatever, i watched The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy a couple of times after writing this entry (which may be the previous entry if this comment becomes the next entry as it seems to be doing without intending to)… Douglas Adams is one of my favorite minds… so much of what he wrote makes so much more sense to me than most of the serious philosophies humans live by… reading him, Heinlein, Bach, Gaimen, and some others who write in a sort of philosophical science fiction fantasy type way that opens the door to widely alternative perspectives comforts me and reassures me that the thoughts and perspectives in my head are not so unique and the normal human disorganized mess and farting and TV people droning on and on in the background are not the only way to be…

one of my not too normal thoughts is that people can actually be honest and open with each other and still live in peace… i would love to live with people close to my in the physical world who share the love of words and desire to share and perspective that honesty is the best way to share and truly believe, as i do, in honest love so there's nothing to hide… i suppose most grown-ups would consider it a childish perspective, but that's me and it's real and it works for me…

of course that's probably why so few grown-ups come close to share the way i do…

but given the choice between sharing with someone or sitting alone writing, i'll almost always choose sharing with someone… the writing comes after everyone stops sharing for whatever reason, usually they go to sleep… which is why one of my more frequent theme song lines when i come to write is will no one stay awake with me?... i just want more sharing and come back to share in this way when there's nobody left awake…

this way i can keep sharing and having fun with thoughts and emotions and life experiences even when everybody's gone…

see? :)

well, there's always hope :)