emo, but who cares

wow, yesterday was a day of torture as some bug (pneumonia, if you ask my instincts) was demanding refuge in this body and this body reacted by producing enough mucous and body heat to marinate and fry a horse (it'll be a cliché someday. trust the prophets, or language gods, right) and i laid out wherever i sat down and slept in various awkward positions for most of the day, except when i woke and noticed the torture… it reach proportions so massive that i actually too an ibuprofen, which is so rare that it might be the first time this century that i took any sort of pain killer or cold medicine other than an antibiotic or cough drop… major severity, profound intensity, yes, the battle was waged at subatomic levels inside this body and war movie fans would be proud…

for what it's worth, i do not enjoy war movies… and i suppose that especially true when this body is the battlefield… so last week i was too busy to write and upload and this week, so far, i've been too distracted by the war movie going on inside of this body… i wish i could say that the good news is i was so sick for so long that i lost weight, but as usual, my appetite did not suffer… whether it's feed a fever and starve and cold or feed a cold and starve a fever, i fed… those of you who are amused have a similarly warped sense of humor that may not actually have an appropriate word to describe it, but we know it when we sense it…

so let's see (that's catch-up talk for let's take a look at the blog, see how many entries were missed, see what's been scribbled in the scribble places here and there, and see about filling in the gaps and continuing the never ending saga of blah, blah, and blah blah blah that amounts to whatever this and all the other blogs every blogged might ever become, ever, even)… it's been a while since i sat down here with nothing on my mind and nowhere to go in the next few moments and just let the thoughts of the day or week or whenever or from wherever and beyond and anon just flow into words…

and as i recently remember noting, the world still whirls around… or spins, for that matter… nothing like disappearing for a while to remind one of just how relatively unimportant and meaningless one is in the grand scheme of things or even in the small life one lives… and as long as i am alone, especially when i am feeling wounded or weak or have a boo-boo and no one to kiss it and at least psychologically and emotionally make it better, i shall feel the twinges (and occasional supernova-like explosions) of loneliness and continue writing it all down, reaching out, hoping it means something somewhere on that intimate sharing level that is missing from actual life here today…

ah, now we see why i have started to keep myself too busy to think much… so let's see about this catching up we are here to do… it would seem that as this year we call 2008 began, my interest in socializing out in the physical world increased dramatically and my interest in communicating online, recording myself in words for posterity, and feeding my ego on the pretense that i have an uncountable number of insatiable fans devoted to reading my every word dramatically decreased rather simultaneously, leaving us with gaps between entries that we've rarely seen before in many years of online blogging… the excuse i had been using to keep me from going out was the bloated laziness and not feeling physically attractive at this body's energy level and libido so therein was not attracted to others who would be attracted to me now and while that is still as true as ever, it was no reason not to go out and socialize… so i don't suppose it was really much of an excuse and as soon as meetup started presenting the opportunities, i'm out practically every night…

one of these days i'll decide it's time to get intimate with someone again and rebuild this body enough to raise it's physical energy level enough to connect with others as i'd like and until then i know the twinges (and supernovae) will come and go when i am alone… until then i will continue enjoying the increased activities and socializing… at least until i get bored again…

is this catching up?... well, yes, if you know me… catching up usually starts with an introspective look at the state of the being with an overview of the current state of affairs… and though it is scratching the surface, it is enough for me for it serves as a map or compass that let's me know the depths are still there when someone finally arrives ready, willing, and able to share more… and in keeping with the surface summary, now it's time to look at where i've been…

Jan 23th (Enzian) The Savages… using the calendar on the right sidebar, starting with this date simply because i don't remember much before this date except that i was busy and didn't record or update the schedule for a week or two before this date, we recall The Savages… it was a film… it was amusing, though not too memorable… the people, the primary film group (the one i attend most), were their usual polite and interesting selves… and then came Jan 24th (...) and a softball game… i didn't play, the team did better than the first week, but lost… we did choose a new coach, which was a shot in the arm… then came Jan 25th and dinner at the Mellow Mushroom, a pizza restaurant that i'd never been too… they pride themselves on using much organics and in using less cheese, i imagine it is healthier than most pizza and Italian places… i wanna go again… and the people, a whole new group, added a couple of dozen new names and faces to my newly awakened social sphere… afterwards, we went to the Cheesecake Factory for desert (at least I think that was this night) and i called Precious to come over cuz i knew she was home alone and probably didn't eat… the group planned for monthly outings for the next few months and seemed quite organized… i'll be back…

then there was Jan 26th and a dinner and movie meetup at Festival Bay (another of the many malls in this mall-filled town)… another new group and i did not find them for dinner as they were in a back room that was hidden as you had to almost walk through the kitchen to find it, but i did get to meet a few of them at the movie 27 Dresses, which was an amusing romantic comedy (the movie, not the group) reminiscent of many other amusing romantic comedies, though not one i'll cry over again and again… the group was small and dispersed immediately after the film, so oh well, we'll try the meeting people part again next time… I'm not sure what happened to Jan 27th and something came up on Jan 28th that helped me forget going to see Manchester Orchestra at The Social, dangit, but i think i had fun anyway… I'm bored with this already…

maybe i'll continue another time…