change of plans

MUSIC: Radiohead - Pablo Honey

not that there are any plans, but for the moment of the last for words of the previous entry i was thinking that i was heading into the shower and then heading out for food, but then, while searching through a few boxes for shower stuff, the unpacking bug nibbles (just a tiny bit) and i found ma n cheese, the universe laughing as it provides what might still be the perfect comfort food for my psyche even though it is also associated with the single worst nightmare i've experienced (so many things destroyed or polar-modified, i wonder how much she knew that she was doing that... or should i say you... though i always offered the respect of third person relative anonymity in my blogs and perhaps leaving another more private space for eventual public communication is the best idea... pondering time will bring my thoughts to fruition and then i shall convey them and we can decide together, for now, the asides of yesterday continue in what is meant to be daily life, today, realtime... we won't ask if the nightmares still happen in realtime because they question has no easy answer except to say the nightmare of these intrusive asides does continue... out dang parenthese)...

so i found mac n cheese and it will be consumed during this entry (which is another yesterday entry, though now presents two days later, if only the dates were not so easy to play with just to put one on every date, but then, if i didn't tell you, then you wouldn't know and the daily blogging would continue, even though this week there was at least a few on each date, and so on and so forth, but at least the times remain the same, though not real now, but real then, which is telling, ya know) and as i slurp some up, these thoughts form... it is very processed, this particular meal, as it was instant mac n cheese that i am using and it is not the real comfort food i knew from my youth as, for one thing, there is no butter spread of any kind around and so a bit of ken's vadalia onion dressing substitutes and then there's some extra american cheese slices, so all in all, quite processed... for me, comnfort food rarely comes directly out of a box, though the can of soft cheese in the boxed mac and cheese can work, as can the loaf of velveete, which are both pretty processed when it comes to cheeses... yeah, so anyway, imitation comfort food is better than no food and the day of utter vegetative relaxation can continued as planned (not that there are any plans)...

so waking after 2pm today (i was still semi-awake enjoying the space and tapping keys at sunrise), the day is over as it is already after 6pm... and i have no intention of any activity tonight (even if i could see my calendar or check email... wait, can i check email?... oh, of course not, i don't have internet access... dangit... i wonder if i have telephone service yet... i wonder if i still have dial-up... i saw that i was still paying for it a month or two ago even though i am supposed to get it for free... must check bank statements and call bellsouth/att yet one more time to fix yet another of their errors... the only way some companies can stay in business in this country is evidence that capitalism is peppered with corruption and/or incompetence and bureacracy that hides the corruption/incompetence... but then, humans run it and humans appear inherently corrupt and incompetent, so to wonder if there would really be any difference in any other system of economics or government would be quite moot... yes, i do seem to be calling the study of socio-economics quite moot, with due respect for all the socio-economics people out there... so the answer, for the moment, is no i am not checking email either... disconnected and kind of loving it, though apologies to all those i stand up if i made any plans i do not recall this week (and i rarely recall any plans because, after all {all together now}, not that there are any plans)...

mmmmmm, comfort food...

yeah, so anyway, like who'd have planned to live the life i've lived so far, anyway, yeah, anyway, so anyway, the muscles still crave more protein, so i might end up going out for some food for the place anyway since shopping in the evening after work is rush hour shopping and takes five times as long, at least... cuz it sucks when your belly is full but you are still hungry... thank you bob... what about bob?... ah, video follows music in my mind and though i do not have any cable or tv reception here yet (and am not sure i am going to), i do have a tv (raspy had no room for his) and a vcr (though all the tapes remain in storage, not into it's thriteenth year, wondering if they will {or can} ever play again... yeah, interesting timing to be in new private space for the first time and instead of wondering if toronto is out there and pondering the past and present and ramifications and exploring the healing in a relative vacuum i know toronto is out there and so awareness of observation alters the thought process {and would i be more or less apt to be polite and respectful and kind or something like that if i was not aware is a moot point, probably, also, cuz i always knew the insatiable child could not stay away from the words forever, just like me, but it is still interesting timing, not that there are any plans)...

ironically, since i can not communicate in any way other than by phone and therefor have no feedback other than the audio voice, it is a relatively absolution vacuum (for however long it lasts) in which i ponder and write, so the best laid plans for other blog spaces that i will respond to and perhaps, with permissions granted, actually participate in must wait until i can get online to check again... i must not spend too much time at work on my blogging as there are rules against it, termination penalties, and besides, i have way too much work to catch up on at work and i've got monthly reports the first two weeks of each month and the brains at corporate want me to go for more training from people who don't know what they are doing and have no idea what i do, so i'll be in miami for most of the second week when i should be working on my reports, which is why i asked for a laptop, not that i'll get it before next week and of course, not that there are any plans...

meanwhile, i had a really great wet dream last night and passed a kidney stone shortly when i woke up, so mac n cheese was probably not the smartest move, but then, comfort food is not chosen for it's health or wisdom benefits, not is it?... i fished it (the stone) out of the bowl and put it in the little box where in i collect the little buggers... this one was another red one, which means it's mostly likely mostly acid based (usually uric) as opposed to the ones that look like pot seeds which are carbonate based (usually calcium)... the same thing happend the last time i moved (and extended the body into prolonged serious sweating, over-heating, and vigorous exercise), though last time was much more painful and i went to the doc (not the paradox, though the doc sent me to several other docs along the way and the bills still haven't been paid by the corrupt blue cross blue shield company, but that's another story)... i guess i am building up enough scar tissue and getting so used to it that there's not much interest in following up and spending money on the body in the corrupt medical industry... i suppose we might say i should have known that the sudden increase in intensity of exercise over a prolonged period would produce the stone and planned for it, but then, if you haven't heard by now...

yeah, not that there are any plans...

so this entry lasted long enough (thanks to the mac n cheese too) for the CD to change to Kid A (seems i felt like a radiohead marathon today... what can we find in the psyche to explain that?... as if anyone knows me {or radiohead, for that matter} well enough to perform any true analysis, make any deeply meaningful associations, or uncover any profound revelations, but it's out here anyway cuz who knows, maybe somebody will find the time and connections, not that i do at the moment, at least not consciously)... and i look at this wordpad file and see so many entries written today three for the primary (realtime or thereal blogs) and several for other spaces... i think i am ready for a nap...