catching up with myself

with some influence from the followers (finding even more than last time so yay, i think), but mostly an introspective pondering (maybe even search) of reasons (and rhymes?... we shall see) and what-not for the continued habit of writing daily and then some (what?... oh, and then some, right) in this blogging life (what?... oh yeah, this blogging life, sorta, maybe more like these blogging lives, aye?) in the brief place (already linked, you don’t need another, do you?) and found the babbling engine revving up thanks to an impromptu beautiful morning and a very rare day off with nothing much planned (first one all year i think) yesterday that allowed two consecutive days of sleeping in (though still sleeping in segments and not in long stretches, but that’s the habit the brain and body have gotten into over the last few years for better or worse) so except for the occasional exceptional play (college football on background tv) and odd fact (like did you know peggy is actually a high school algebra teacher in real life (i know, what’s real life anyway, but that’s besides the point, and Tudor Petrut is also an actor and screenplay writer and on facebook (who isn’t?) and coaches soccer and all that is about as pertinent to this entry as peggy is the the credit card industry, which is also besides the point except maybe to amuse my rabid Romanian fans, but another fine mess of an example of the odd fact i casually mentioned some lines back), i am focused (this is focused?) on whatever i was focused on before this paragraph started…

huh?... ok, so this is what was pondered that seemed to resurrect the babbler for a few moments and brought me back here for this moment:

sort of... starting with this blog... it is plugging right along approaching 2300 entries and satisfying the purpose i think i had for it when i started it, so a good feeling about it continues as i continue it and it continues me... some oddities or ironies or tid bitz, for that matter, raise an eyebrow and a smile, like this blogger dashboard that lists all of my blogger blogs (well over 50 now, yes, i know) tells me i have two followers but when i check it only shows one follower and that follower (hello if you check in here) has no posts in a blog design i like to look at (and love the title) and i have no idea if the second follower is hiding somehow or simply a figment of the blogger dashboard's imagination and then i consider that my previous incarnation for daily blogging has 11 followers (and more seem to join periodically in spite of my lack of updating there) and there is an equivalent discrepancy in actually listed followers when compared to the blogger-generated number of followers so either there is a way to hide from someone you are following here or blogger has a glitch in their counting software (or figments, at least) and then i consider that the almost 2300 posts here have a lifetime total of just over 8000 page views (with the most viewed page is the most viewed page (like by 30% more than the second most viewed page or why the most referrals came from here today, but that may be beside the point) and all those posts only have a total of 223 comments so far (considering some posts have up to a dozen comments, i’d estimate less than 1% of the entries here actually have a comment) and that suggests i have silent visitors who either happen by searching for something and/or a few regular visitors who find the literary expression of my daily life leaving them speechless (i know, it is so amazing i can barely find the words some days… right, and i am still looking for that unicorn for that commenter who wanted to buy one too and if you are not laughing with me, then please cheer up cuz life really is too short to take anything so seriously that you cannot find humor in even the worst of it… i care and will listen, seriously, so please don’t feel alone) so all this to say (or suggest) that i took a look at what i do here (in terms of writing this blog) today and why i do it and while the dream of sharing and interacting and finding friends and pleasing an audience (and fame a fortune, on a more distance sarcastic fantasy type of dream) and the one remains as strong and real as ever, the daily purpose is still to put my thoughts, feeling, experiences, and activities into words so i can remember and evaluate and record them for myself and anyone who cares or who may someday care (and posterity, good ol’ posterity) and in the end, to catch up with myself…

yes, so it is agreed as you know as well as i that i love the rare introspective moments and what better way to turn a beautiful morning into a wonderful day...

and how are you? :)

meanwhile, the left side of my neck has been cramping on and off of late, at least iit may be cramps, muscular, that is… hopefully it is not circulation related, like something clogging up, or glandular, or some sort of tumor… what?... oh who knows when i am serious, all i know is the neck has been cramping up more lately and i really ought to change the patterns as it could be related to the fact that i spend way too many hours sitting at my desk extending my right arm to move the mouse while sitting up and back to type and repeat and carpel tunnel could be it too… posture is everything and needs flexibility and variation, after all… arthritis or some old age disease?... what are you, an alarmist?... some doctor you’d be…

then there are all the links, that is, the web wandering i do in the wee hours of the sleepiness that leads to (randomly snatching the latest slice of life from the wanderng) this girl in progress who is probably not the one and i have no clue whether libbo would want her, which is completely irrelevant and mostly irreverent so why not pervert the construction of this meandering entry by making an arbitrary connection to the next page i stumbled upon for young adult sci-fi cuz sci-fi ought to start in the womb (doesn’t it?) just like sex (what?... expensive nostalgia couldn’t distract you from the shock of the moo, could it?)… but seriously (which is not what the cow said, so just relax and don’t let your moral indignation get your panties in a bunch) cuz the fact is you are exactly where you need to be the moment you realize you are exactly where you need to be (you don’t believe me?... look it up why don’tcha) and maybe you‘ll find some realizations or explanations or sense in mugsi , but i really wish gothic jello would come over so we could say hello and discuss something like why we are connected and cuz i like connections even in the books of adam which amuse the something or other cuz if you are so in-klined we might find some sort of purpose or meaning or cohesion that is not meaningless pr even madness cuz that is exactly what we need, ya know?...

so what i was saying before the stiff neck web browsing (or was it rabid libido irreverence?) unintentionally interrupted (or was it heading out to play games with friends in the pouring rain?... so many distractions and activities and outside influences, is it any wonder nobody finds me anymore or more to the point, why i don’t even take the time to find myself… if only somebody came over and wanted to, aye?), the dailies (which will be ever changing as the entries go slipping slipping slipping into the future, or sliding, even) continue for the momentary record even as i skip like a stone over the puddles and ponds of the rat race rush of the working life (maybe if i wasn’t playing in five softball leagues and regular tournaments and 5k races every week i might have a few moments to actually catch my breath and be back in touch with the babbling fool who always knew what was going on inside and out so well that i could ramble on ridiculously as if i had no clue about this that or anything else for that matter kind of like i might be doing here or was that the last few paragraphs, but there was some sort of point to all this, really, even as i seem to be testing your patience and the synaptic abilities of your cranial matter beyond the limits i usually do (and would you have me stroke your egos and kjss your bottom every time?... your answer reflects more on you than you know, in case you didn’t realize it was a trap, much like the last seventy gazillion entries, but you don’t have to tell anybody if you want to stay and belong in the special circle of TheReal™ cha cha cha)…

could be i am finally learning how to be human, huh?

the bottom line (ha, as if we’ve been anywhere near the bottom line for the last twenty years… global warming has fogged up our brains, economic manipulation by the elitist power structure has blinded us to any semblance of what’s going on in spite of marvin’s song or the haunting refrain of something happening here cuz the answer blew right by us in the winds of change {just ask princess stephanie if she remembers after the assimulation back into the royal subtrifuge}… i wish janis was still around to give another little piece of her heart and if you only understood what dan was telling you, you might finally become part of the plan in your own consciousness and realize what amy said and meant) just might be that i have not carved out time for myself in way too long so all the weird and wonderful babbling has been silence, dormant, waiting for the public outcry for the inner song to be sung again…

or maybe it’s just the foolishness of choosing the luxury over the street and the security over the freedom that leaves no time for the story in her eyes from the purest ecstasy to the moody blues… i would have liked to have known her, and him too, and you, really, you, dear reader, what do you feel right now and would you share it with me (you don’t even have to know who buffalo springfield is, you can still feel the spill canvas and hope that someday the emo reaches beyond the personal whining and poor=me pity parties and dares to stand up and shake the world with the quest for the truth once again (cuz the truth is out there if you want to believe… you can either share it or ignore it, either way you work yourself to death)…

sad we don’t share more, but don’t let depression apathy ambivalence, pathetic indignant ignorance, or irrational virtually incomprehensible anger be the zeitgeist of your generation (and please be more than a video game junkie, really, cuz that is what they want cuz it makes you easier to control, you know?), find your voice and speak your mind, sing your heart out, and become who you are…

maybe i’ll catch up with myself next time…

such a tease (narf and all)…

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doesn’t seem finished, does it?...