sometimes I forget

sometimes I forget the numbers when I return home from the gym if I don't write them down the same day or if I ramble on or if others distract me before I jot the numbers down somewhere...

sometimes I forget that although Florida has the highest lightening strokes in the country, there are extraordinarily low odds that I or any individual will be struck...

sometimes II forget that this blog is for brief RealTime™ updates and the rambling whining on and on venting ranting working through babbling I do (profound as it might be, aye?) like the previous entry (which was cut short because it was here in fact) belongs btc and not distracting me and taking up your time here...

sometimes I forget that when I let anything excuse a delay in waking and doing what I know is the best thing to do, I lose my edge and do not do my best...

sometimes I forget a lot of things...

this entry was almost called fuck the rain and then it was almost called what rain? what thunder? what lightening? and it finally came to be called what it is, sometimes I forget... so I walk out of the gym and the rain is falling, thunder is cracking and rolling, and lightening it popping like so many old-style flash bulbs (if you've seen them in movies or are old enough to remember)... and there, five feet from the apartment office door is a lady with an umbrella... yes, a lady with an umbrella under a tree... with an infant... yes, a lady with an umbrella under a tree with an infant barely toddling walking in the shuddering thunderstorm...

Florida...

and I head back to my apartment and see cars driving and a few others walking and a Direct TV truck parked in front of a building... glancing up to the third floor I see someone hanging out the window connecting a satellite dish to the outside of the building... yes, in a raging thunderstorm...

so I figure I'm probably one of the safest people out there what with my $80 rubber soles and nothing metallic in my hands or on my person (except keys and a cell phone, if that's even metal)... and I remembered just how stupid fear can lead me to be... and I realized that my gym numbers (measure of performance) have been down the last few days not simply because it's crunch time as the body drops enough weight the brain kicks into starvation mode and the muscles need more sleep time to recover better and the body is not as quick to repair itself as it once was and any number of mostly, if not completely outside of my control factors... the biggest obstacle to improvement is focus, mental focus...

sometimes I forget that fear of injury or heart failure or stroke increases fatigue... sometimes I forget that fear of failure, of growing too old to recover the peak physical feelings I once knew is the best way to insure I never do... sometimes I forget that physical life is about pushing the envelope, resisting gravity, reformatting stress into energy and then using that energy the climb another mountain (or forge another stream, for that matter)...

sometimes I forget that all the whining, venting, complaining, ranting, and releasing of frustration, anger, and any other negative energy has a very good point and purpose in my life and ramblings and that purpose is to find the resolution that processes the negativity into something positive... like returning to what matters most, health, awareness, and being true to the self...

sometimes I forget how much I forget...

and sometimes I forget how good is feels to remember J