burp

I woke with a slightly stiff neck this morning... Raspy has gone back to using the air conditioner because his room faces East and turns into an over during the day with the window shut and he can't sleep with the window open... unfortunately, my room (and much of the rest of the apartment, but especially my room) remains cool most of the time and gets the air conditioner first... so this means I sleep in a refrigerator when the air conditioner is on... and the air blows directly on the bed cuz the only sensible place for the bed in the room is directly where the air blows, so an uncovered neck can be set up for stiffness if I sleep too long in the bed...

meanwhile, I took the day off (which is why I slept in to almost noon only to wake to a frigid space with nobody home and, as usual, lights on) and debated whether to go out by myself or just stay home and vege... I opted for the latter and for the first time in more than a month I consumed more calories than I will burn today (and I didn't even have any sweets or desserts or anything horribly decadent... no chocolate, even...

wisdom would have lead me to a free meal at any of a few restaurants, but with no one to go out to play with, I decided I'd enjoy the rest time today... Charlie's Steak House would have been best for the body, but... yeah... so I decided to go Italian, ordering in a feast (but putting most of it into the freezer) of two hot subs, two full dinners (each of which came with spaghetti and salad), and a calzone (no dessert, ain't I amazing?)... I ate a portion of everything and packed up the rest for the freezer...

so many carbs, the body is flipping out... thump thump thump in the chest like heart palpitations... and the brain is getting groggy spacey silly... a month with almost no pasta and hardly any bread and rarely more than 800 calories per meal or 1300 calories per day and usually less than 100 grams of carbs and pow, I am flying on a caloric high of more than 3000 calories in one meal with almost 300 carbs (estimated, of course, since restaurant delivery foods do not come with nutritional labels)...

so I pigged out... less food than my usual pig-outs of the past... and no pure sugar sweets... but still a belly busting pig-out... and not a bit of guilt or downbeat today cuz, after all, I am celebrating... all by myself, at least in the physical space (but oh so thank you for the text messages and phone messages and comments and emails, even from people who may not even read this place), but still celebrating... I am fairly certain that I will be back at the gym tomorrow... I might even be outside later wandering around in the middle of the night the way I used to (my favorite running time was always between 2 and 4 AM)...

it's almost exciting (what can I say, life has gotten boring alone, aye?) to see how the liver and kidneys are gonna handle this sudden change in diet for one meal... of course the liver may give no signs as it usually doesn't, but the kidneys have been spitting up signs a lot the past month... and even as I know everything would be a whole lot more fun if the right person was sharing the physical journey of life, the aloneness is generally not getting in the way of the excitment and fun of rest and self-indulgence and experimenting with the body...

I spent more than $200 today on tickets to three concerts... I bought two tickets to two concerts and four tickets to Warped Tour because, well, I'd like to imagine I'll find someone to go with me and I was getting the tickets at a discount... maybe I see it as some sort of lottery optimism... it would be nice if I could sell the tickets or better yet - get some of the come-around that's suppose to be coming around cuz I've been giving a whole lot of goes-around in this life, but if nothing else, I'll most likely be seeing at least three concerts I want to see this summer...

I think I'm gonna try some Pepsi One now...

bzzzzzzzzzzzz...

a couple or so hours later and wow, what a rush... I am torn between a physical rush and buzz and a sleepy after high carb meal nap... the nap was interrupted by four calls from Precious who, as usual, was seeking something during her dad's sleep time (and my evening nap time) and decided it would be best not to tell me why, probably because she didn't want to hear me, for the millionth time, ask her when she is going to learn to plan ahead (not to mention when is she going to think of anyone but herself and her current boy-obsession)... so after a preganat pause, she apologized for waking me and we let it go there... alas, why should today be any different than any other day, aye?...

the Pepsi One was a fine substitute for Pepsi for me (but then, I am not addicted to the stuff... in fact, I hardly drink any cola... now if they only made Code Red with Sucralose, then I'd have an educated palate and worthwhile opinion... yum)... I don't drink diet stuff because I've read too much negative stuff about Aspertame and there's just this one diet drink made with Sucralose (the yellow stuff, which hasn't been written up all that badly yet)...

it's such an odd feeling, the bloat... I haven't felt it like this in at least six weeks, I think... and my brain, so much energy going to waste cuz there's no creative interaction around... so I watch the special series of episodes of StarGate:SG1 and look forward to the final 10 episodes of the series that starts next weekend and will most likely get me in front of the TV every Friday night for at least an hour for those ten weeks... and I imagine interacting with science fiction minds (and characters) and others who think outsie the box and dream of visions of what could be possible if we let go of the fears and known science and supposed laws of physics and life and stuff...

and later, perhaps, I'll turn on some music and imagine interacting with musical minds who play with notes and sounds and words and create songs and symphonies and the magical emotional spiritual experience that music can be...

for now, as midnight rolls us into another date on the calendar (and another year of life in this body for me), I jump for joy for no particular reason except that I can and it feels oddly good... and I may just wander randomly into the gardens and see what weeding and new planting I might do here and there... hoping you are enjoying life at your end of this stream of consciousness... and thanking you for taking a moment to be here...

see ya :)