what is emo?

I wonder what would happen to this world... that's the title of a Harry Chapin song and while I do not mention him every day, or often, of late, he still flows through my mind almost daily, or more often, as a person and as words that relate to either my personal life, or life itself, or the creativity I love to find in words... I suppose Harry would be considered quite emo by today's musical standards, if categories mean anything, but then, as down-rated as the term might be now, I say life without emo is death and I've spent more than enough time in the lands of the mostly dead to know I choose life...

my wondering today is a bit more specific, personal, even narcissistic, perhaps... I wonder what would happen to me and to the world around me (and to my writings) if I actually had the time to sleep as the body rhythms requested and live without any rushing or work responsibilities.. I was able to do that for much of the 90s, lucky me, and I felt so much more of the pleasures and aches of this life... when I was lonely, I lamented for the ages of human loneliness... when I was in love, I embraces perfection (as close as it gets in this life)... I ran about 10 miles a day, ate healthier than ever (I was a Vegan for a few years and mostly vegetarian for most of the 80s and 90s), gardened, shared life with a happy dog (a female mixed fox terrier and beagle named Happy Dog who a friend sent me from NJ because Happy wasn't fitting in with her menagerie of castaways due to street habits)...

pausing to read a letter Precious wants me to read...

four hours later, ah, drama... the emo... she's lonely and bored... she doesn't drive yet and put off looking for a job so she's got nothing to do this summer some days and has to depend on rides to get to the shows she's doing or go most anywhere else... maybe this will help her lose some of her laziness... and tonight it's a crisis of friendship... her best friend is pulling away, probably preparing for the separation when school starts... Precious is a giver and he's a taker, everything always has to be about him, his feelings, his wants and needs... he's used to being the star (because he's got an amazing voice and people give him a whole lot of awe)... but it's mostly insecurity and immaturity (he's a year and a half younger, which can be a lot in high school, especially when the girl is the older one and graduated)...

and whatever rambling I was going to do tonight is fizzling away as it's past 4am and once again I am not giving the body and mind enough sleep tonight... not wise... I really did intend to just write this entry and head to bed, which is why I started visiting you guys and commenting before I started this entry and only went to myspace cuz Precious sent me messages there that she wanted me to read... it's always something... I kinda want to eat something now cuz I stayed up long enough to get hungry and I did get to the gym (five hours ago)... I maintained 9 mph for the full hour, best speed yet... reduced the Level to Level 5 after 30 minutes though, so only 777 calories burned in the hour according to the machine... sometimes I push for the speed, sometimes for the power, cuz balance is better for the body... I've done an hour at Level 16 too, but dropped the pace to just over 6 mph for that...

last night, meaning before the previous entry, after napping about four hours before midnight, was wide awake until after sunrise so was just getting into deep sleep when I woke for work... tonight seems to be heading in that direction... the difference is I was not tired last night after the evening nap, while tonight I am feeling the fatigue... Precious is still out here talking on and off, waiting for Rasputin to wake up... she needed the talk tonight... I guess this is what is known as quality time, aye?...

well, at least I'm not whining about how lonely I am tonight... though the refrains from Someone to Watch Over Me just started playing as Precious went into her room to nap a bit... alone again, naturally... and look at the time... the 4am song, you know (that's the Carpenter's Need To Be In Love just in case you don't... one of the top ten emo songs of all time in my personal billboard charts)... and the TV, which was blaring with no one watching when I got back from the gym, is blissfully off, but playing You've Got Mail and a half dozen other Meg Ryan films this week... can The Princess Bride or Sleepless In Seattle or What Dreams May Come (or any of the all-time favorite emo films on my personal box office charts be far behind?... yeah, I'm ready to cuddle now... waves of cuddliness come when I get really sleepy and when I give all my attention to someone else for a while, especially as a parental role personally or professionally... but alas, nobody's around for cuddling these days... at least I can sigh a big sigh... this sort of pondering amuses me, no matter how it might appear outside of my head, so I'll just giggle and wander off now...

I wonder what would have happened if I continue wondering as I was doing when I started this entry... another time, perhaps... I'm probably better off cuz just imagine how lonely I might get in these wee hours of the night if I didn't have the rewards and interactions of work five days a week... sheesh, I might start sounding pathetic or something :)

and on that giggle, I wish you love and hugs and cuddles and peaceful smiles shared with someone you trust to be mommy or daddy when you just want to cuddle up and be taken care of for a little while... I heard mommies and daddies are good to have around...

am I emo yet? :)