musing aloud

sitting and listening to some of my deepest roots tonight played by much younger branches on the tree of music... the Postal Service are singing Grow Old With Me and the ironies weave an odd smiles on my face as I listen to the words of Robert Browning put to music by John Lennon sung by kids who come close to singing a hit before their mother was born... and the postal service delivered the Instant Karma CD today... subtitled The Amnesty International Campaign to Save Darfur, the compilation at once brings back beautiful memories and sounds a little like an old man moaning (listening to Lenny Kravitz do Cold Turkey gave me that latter feeling)...

and I look up Darfur on a map on the internet and learned how away from the world I am living in my own little bubble in this well-insulated land of the free... and I feel my hypocrisy and carelessness... whatever gets me through the night... it’s no coincidence I skipped mentioning the first three songs on the CD...

do I really have to remind myself of (and face up to) the fact that I spend much of my personal time whining and bitching and pretending everything is a joke here on the web?... ooowee baby, sure feels right... there were some covers I enjoyed a lot and some I did not... maybe Snow Patrol’s version of Isolation should be the bell ringer for me as the song has always reminded me of life as I’ve known it... and what follows, Watching The Wheels... yes, I’ve skipped ahead to the second CD...

the producers captured the duality that was John and so many of us... the demands ego makes for individuality, the demands the heart makes for sharing... the fear of life, the fear of death, wanting to be free, wanting not to be alone... can two truly free spirits actually bond permanently for all time, or is that just one more illusion in my mind... or more melodically...

can two free spirits truly bond for all time
or is that just one more illusion... in my mind
all I want is the truth... yeah, me and John... and Mulder... see, we are not the only ones... so sue me, I’m laughing at my own jokes and enjoying my mind in spite of the pain I feel so deeply all over this world... humans are cruel children, the worst of the school yard bullies and grade school politics never really ends, it just becomes more pretentiously serious, more dramatic, a real matter of life and death... and I am still not sure I want any part of it... but here I am, becoming human (or is that presumptuous of me?)...

I dearly love Jackson Browne, but I wish they got someone else to sing Oh My Love... he should have done something with a bite, not one of the softest, sweetest, most beautiful love songs ever created... I’d have liked to have heard Tori Amos sing it, or even Kelly Clarkson sing it... maybe even Jenny Lewis or Annie Lennox or Sinead O’Conner or Dido... ever hear Lori Carson?... I supposed I am prejudiced to the female voice singing a love song, but even Garth Brooks or the boys from Extreme, not Jackson’s aging nasal tones that could be so much better used on a number of other songs...

I really ought to have napped tonight as we’ll be leaving for the Harry Potter film in less than an hour... yes, I broke down and bought us three tickets... also bought three tickets for the show on Saturday... I wanna see things and I don’t want to see them alone, ok?... and four for Warped Tour... being rich is just not my thing, even when it was... but I’m no working class hero, that’s for sure... anyway, I’d probably have stayed up all night inspired to write between the CDs (did I mention a new Paul McCartney CD was in the box too?... haven’t listened to a new Paul Mac CD in decades... can Elton John or the Moody Blues be far behind?... memories and dreams, it’s clouds illusions I recall, I really don’t know clouds, at all... alas, the most important things can not be shared by buying tickets to the show)...

I don’t know where this entry might be going (and I doubt anybody really knows where it’s been), but it’s a tip of a much larger entity, a flood of words waiting for something, for Godot, perhaps, but most of all, for someone to wait with... most of life is spent waiting for the next scene, the next act of the play, the next interaction, the next plot twist, the next surprise... watching the wheels is much more fun when someone is growing old along with me... I knew that even when I was a baby...

so the CD opens with the promise of instant karma, of some sort of enlightening, just like the 60’s did... and in ends in the stupor of real love, just like the dream did... perhaps the message never did come together, that all the best intentions and enlightenment in the universe is only a prelude to experiencing a moment of shared unconditional trust and honest love... ego’s independence was a lie, the true freedom is found in letting go, in leaping into faith, in unconditional trust... in self, but not alone, in self merging with another self...

and I hope someday we can reach even beyond that to find we can all shine on, we can all live as one, we can actualize unconditional trust because we can humanize honest love... but for now, I’d just like to see more people reaching the starting point, the baby step, the first contact.. heart to heart, mind to mind, being to being... two being one because they start as one and can share...

beyond all the music and words and memories and dreams, I think John got there... and I hope he’s not the only one...