home is where the mess is

and the madness continues... I'm a bit of a grump tonight, probably mostly cuz it's been weeks since I last ran, at least two, maybe three... so prepare for a whiney mess of crap as I wade through some muddy negativity and process the frustrations and find the giggles that come up like swamp farts...

look, you might be spoiled and want the witty repartee, the profound logic, the amazing philosophy, and the brilliant insights every night, but we just have to face the fact that this brain is not as young as it used to be and there's much cauliflower forming...

but it's not just the laziness (the grumps, remember, I'm in the grumps... don't let the irreverence sense of absurdity and occasional humor fool you, I am firmly ensconced in the grumps, so there), it's also cuz the traffic around here is turning into a real mess... a six minute trip from work now takes thirty minutes on a good night and an hour on a bad night... this is due to the university starting and some road work going on... I think I'll start leaving work a half hour early very soon as it's ridiculous to sit in traffic for an hour or more when the ride should take no more than ten minutes if I hit every light and go slow... human planning, build the town (and expand the university) and wait for traffic to become a problem and then try to widen the roads for a few years, creating a traffic nightmare...

work, on the other hand, is going well... very well (wait, says the grump... but I plod on in my blind faith way and the grump says, alright, let's get this happy happy joy joy thing over with)... I was giggling and yayying within ten minutes of getting to work in spite of finding the computer rebooted overnight and the programs I left open cuz I was in the middle of a report all shut down)... Office 2007 is much fun (and proving extremely useful, especially the auto-save and auto-recover features)... sad that I am the only one who has it on a computer, but that's the backwards place I work... probably a lot like a lot of private businesses... I'm still using Access 2000 though (the grump is perking up again)... ironically, Access the most important program for the data and number crunching... and I am the Data Administrator, after all... hopefully I'll talk them into buying a copy of Access 2007 one of these days... after all, I'm getting most of everything else I want, almost... slowly, they are creeping into the 21st century (and they don't even know it)...

this isn't helping the grump much, is it?...

well, let's look around and they'll surely help... yes, it's one of those entries... home is still the same and much of why I'm a little grumpy tonight... I get home and find the TV is on, Rasputin and Precious are in their rooms with their doors closed and there's no answer when I call out, and Precious has cooked again, which means a major mess... splatter, food, and dirty everything everywhere... but we'll get to that, I think I could use a little cranial ventilation...

I love her and she's family, remember (who am I reminding?)...

so Precious brings home the high school cookie dough stuff for her best friend today (in so many ways she's still in high school, but then, some kids mature early and some mature late and hopefully she'll do some catching up one of these days... at least she's working now, for six straight days... a cashier at Sears... I don't ask her how's work much anymore cuz she complains too much about how unfair it is that she has to do things... and the house gets even messier now that she has an excuse to do nothing to pick up after herself... I suppose the extra-filthy kitchen was not wanted to see when I got home for work and I am venting a bit... the spaghetti was still in the pot on the stove, drying out and getting hard, splatter and food and dirty pots and dishes were everywhere, a plate of spaghetti and sauce was in the sink, half still on the plate and half not, the TV was on, and nobody answered when I called is anybody home?... and for the third day in a row I tied up a full bag of trash that was empty when I left in the morning and sat it in the dining area with the other four bags piled up there... I cleaned one side of the sink and one counter so I could make some food for myself and sat down to eat... nope, I won't be entertaining anyone in this space)...

where was I?... ah yes, so Precious brought home the cookie dough stuff... you might recall from last year or the year before (if you've been around that long) that I sold several dozen tubs of the stuff for her at work and she won some prize... free trip to the state thespian competition and an mp3 player, I believe... unfortunately, the paperwork and money is due tomorrow and it just got here two days ago and she didn't mention we had practically no time, so I won't be able to sell any and help her help her best friend win anything... she did the same thing last year and Rasputin had to pay for her trip to the state competition... I wonder if she'll pay for it herself this year, now that she's working... yes, it is the high school and yes she did graduate, but she's obviously not letting go... more and more my gut sense that she did not go to college because she simply did not want to leave home or her best friend or the security... she just refuses to deal with any responsibility if there is a way to avoid it (and she is so full of excuses and justifications, we no longer talk much about anything serious)...

I learned very young that there is only so much talk can do when someone does not want to hear (after all, I told Rasputin I would not be happy living in a mess before he moved in and he obviously forgot, even though he said he didn't want to live in a mess either... yeah, his last place was much filthier than this one, grease coated everything in the kitchen and the whole house stunk most of the time, but his roommates were responsible for a lot of it as they never cleaned until he told them to... unfortunately, Precious doesn't listen to him here unless she wants something from him)...

so she'll learn the hard way, I suppose, or she will think she knows it all like many other fat, lazy, wasteful, irresponsible people (looks like America to me) and may never accept any responsibility for anything, but there's always hope...

sometimes it's not easy to like someone, even when you love them, ya know?...

the good news (and bad news) is that I didn't buy any cookie dough or brownies... they are soooo good, but I have been soooo bad about diet and exercise this month, it's best that nothing that fattening comes into the house by my hands... it's enough my roomies have the worst eating habits (typically American, so probably not the worst, but then... yeah, ok, I suppose I'm still venting a bit)...

ultimately, my disgruntledness is caused by me, myself, as I let myself slide into a lazy malaise and ignore the health risks and bloated feeling and stupidity... I did eat much better for the past four days, so many the positive change is returning... when the gym or running returns, I'll feel a whole lot better... but sometimes it is just this way, giving into the current, flowing with the stream of laziness and unhealthiness and unbelievably accepted suicidal behavior all around me (near and far as this is so normal for our culture)... it's not always easy to go in the opposite direction of most everyone else...

I did ignore the amazing cake at work yesterday and have had a big salad and veggie patties every day this week and have not had a snack since the weekend, so maybe... anyway, I'm gonna slip this entry in here yesterday just for those of you who really care enough to read backward and leave the profoundly silly rhyme out there for today since both were written tonight... and we're all caught up and I'm feeling much better one most levels and a little better even as I look around the space and accept another night of heading to bed without running... maybe... did the twinkle of the runner just pop into my eyes?...

tune in tomorrow and see :)

oh, oops, forgot I was grumping this entry...

tune in tomorrow anyway, m'ok?