somewhere between real life and illusion is play
for regular viewers, i left one of my not-quite-patented humbly emocentric self-mocking yet secretly honest and mostly sincere response comment to your treasured comments in the comments section of Tuesday's entry… quite revealing, as usual (sarcastic too) as some of the secrets never told before are inspired by your queries and comments as i respond in my comments in my comments… dontcha just love a good double take?...
ah, i so adore being the center of attention for a moment… thank you for giving me that gift… maybe that is one of the things about blogging out here in the public net that keeps me coming back… that little kid inside who dreams of being a star… that egocentric me-self that we all expressed so honestly and openly at one or two years old (or other ages for some people), before fear, shame, and conformity was beaten into our psyches… out here, in the privacy of our public writing, we are masters of the moment… the words we choose create the mood, the situation, the thoughts, feelings, and presentation… and for just the few moments you read (and if I am lucky, respond), i am the center of the universe… sorta…
no wonder i grin and giggle a lot behind the scenes…
meanwhile, speaking of the past that was almost not the past because it really wasn't as much the past as the time date stamp might make it seem, i slipped a grated cheese type entry in between the last entry and this entry because there was a day missing, like so many days have been in the past month or two and i found myself sitting here inspired to ramble a bit tonight in spite of the televised distractions that were pouring out of the cathode ray tube after a good day of rushes from indulging my generosity and love of giving to finding a way to pitch (see next paragraph) and feel as good about myself and life and people in general in spite of their mostly suckageness in empirical reality as i have in days, or longer even, or since the bloated days began last year, at least, and decided it was time to open the word sleuths (i mean those dike dam pressure release valves or doors or whatever they are) for a few moments and this is the result…
i apologize to the pope and all the gods for the previous entry…
meanwhile, in real life, i pitched a whole lot tonight and fielded just a bit and found a way to do it that created no pain… that's a big YAY for me, cuz i really want to start the new league that starts Sunday as the pitcher for the team… i heard from the coach of that team and she said she will accept whatever i can do if i can pitch, even if it means i'll be an easy out at the plate for a while until the leg heals enough to run… i just need to train myself to control the instincts and tonight, i succeeded (though it was just a practice night cuz neither team had enough players show up cuz it rained just before the game and traffic was bad and half of our team simply decided they would not show up… no wonder we only won one game this year…
i am learning very clearly that the body eats muscle tissue before it eats fat tissue… when i am feeling hungry (that's genuine hunger as opposed to emotional or psychological hunger and yes, i can tell the difference when i want to), the hamstring hurts more… and even after a full day of walking and using the leg, eating, especially eating protein, almost instantly (well, within a half hour or so) correlates with the leg not only feeling better, but i was able to pitch tonight and feel goog afterward and the strain/pain i was feeling all day was gone… unfortunately, that means i will not be dieting during this healing process and since i am exercising less vigorously, i will likely gain weight as this body does that way too easily…
sigh, it sucks to be a consciously aware healthy sex maniac in a sloppy bloated body… sloppy bodies are repulsive to libido, so it's a catch-22, if you follow the reasoning of the reality i create for myself in this physical world these days… i don't want to sleep alone, but i don't want to sleep with a sloppy body, but i live in a sloppy body, so i sleep alone… wonder what would happen if a libido fantasy showed up and wanted to sleep with me… i'll keep you posted…
well, what can i say, i am obviously in a rather irreverent mood and humping what might be considered controversial topics in our culture… shock value amuses me sometimes, i mean, why should the news and Hollywood get all the cheap thrills… have you ever seen TMZ?… sounds like a strange new sexually transmitted disease, doesn't it?... well, in an ironically metaphorical way, it is… the hard news show it isn't just told me that Selma Hayek and Kate Hudson and other of my libido fantasies were advised to take gammagobulin shots for possible exposure at Ashton's birthday party last month cuz one of the waiters there tested positive for Hepatitis A… oh dang, now i' might actually hesitate for several microseconds before sleeping with them both…
I'll leave it for you to ask and answer the question on everyone's mind now, is this mental masturbation or am i just faking it… surely the cast of Airplane and The Naked Gun combined could not figure it out from way over there, but that's the fun of it, the distance makes the heart grow fonder, or maybe it makes the flesh grow harder, or something like that… titillating?... how does one write stimulating adult fiction, anyway?... i suppose one would start by not using the word titillating… unless, of course, one was mocking one's self or the cultural hang ups about sexuality or perhaps the lack of it therein or something obscured by run on sentences that lose the train of thought because the rails run out or maybe even got derailed somewhere along the way when nobody was really following along mostly because the writer wasn't… of course you have the ball, so to speak…
i really am enjoying playing softball, even with a gimpy leg… i would have started playing flag football last weekend, but that requires a working leg… both, actually… and then there's a bowling meetup that starts next month, but i'm probably not going to be ready for that… and then there are the runs that i was supposed to start doing and hopefully i will be able to start for real one more time before i die sometime during the spring… but probably not in time for the March run for kidneys at Disney that i already signed up and paid for… alas, all the sexy runner girls will just have to wait to oogle my magnificent form and style…
what did you expect as a sequel to the previous entry, something spiritual and puritanical and religious-like?... hey, i apologized, whatdya want me to do, confess?... ok, i did it… i did that too… yes, i probably did the other thing too, but i forget some things when it's convenient… see what indulging my love of giving does? (see Tuesday's comments)... what, turn me into a blasphemous hellraiser?... or maybe i'm just so giddy with life and being me that the frustration of not having time for daily babble and the self-destructive ways compounded by the achy breaky leg merging with the lonelies and a touch of the lack of touch and a neglected ego and this that and the other thing all combining to discombobulate the video game of life in my head and result in an apoplexy of indiscriminate farting in the general direction of the establishment or any establishment that happens along…
power to the people right on…
thanks for playing along and i hope you don't have too much of a mess to clean up….
ah, i so adore being the center of attention for a moment… thank you for giving me that gift… maybe that is one of the things about blogging out here in the public net that keeps me coming back… that little kid inside who dreams of being a star… that egocentric me-self that we all expressed so honestly and openly at one or two years old (or other ages for some people), before fear, shame, and conformity was beaten into our psyches… out here, in the privacy of our public writing, we are masters of the moment… the words we choose create the mood, the situation, the thoughts, feelings, and presentation… and for just the few moments you read (and if I am lucky, respond), i am the center of the universe… sorta…
no wonder i grin and giggle a lot behind the scenes…
meanwhile, speaking of the past that was almost not the past because it really wasn't as much the past as the time date stamp might make it seem, i slipped a grated cheese type entry in between the last entry and this entry because there was a day missing, like so many days have been in the past month or two and i found myself sitting here inspired to ramble a bit tonight in spite of the televised distractions that were pouring out of the cathode ray tube after a good day of rushes from indulging my generosity and love of giving to finding a way to pitch (see next paragraph) and feel as good about myself and life and people in general in spite of their mostly suckageness in empirical reality as i have in days, or longer even, or since the bloated days began last year, at least, and decided it was time to open the word sleuths (i mean those dike dam pressure release valves or doors or whatever they are) for a few moments and this is the result…
i apologize to the pope and all the gods for the previous entry…
meanwhile, in real life, i pitched a whole lot tonight and fielded just a bit and found a way to do it that created no pain… that's a big YAY for me, cuz i really want to start the new league that starts Sunday as the pitcher for the team… i heard from the coach of that team and she said she will accept whatever i can do if i can pitch, even if it means i'll be an easy out at the plate for a while until the leg heals enough to run… i just need to train myself to control the instincts and tonight, i succeeded (though it was just a practice night cuz neither team had enough players show up cuz it rained just before the game and traffic was bad and half of our team simply decided they would not show up… no wonder we only won one game this year…
i am learning very clearly that the body eats muscle tissue before it eats fat tissue… when i am feeling hungry (that's genuine hunger as opposed to emotional or psychological hunger and yes, i can tell the difference when i want to), the hamstring hurts more… and even after a full day of walking and using the leg, eating, especially eating protein, almost instantly (well, within a half hour or so) correlates with the leg not only feeling better, but i was able to pitch tonight and feel goog afterward and the strain/pain i was feeling all day was gone… unfortunately, that means i will not be dieting during this healing process and since i am exercising less vigorously, i will likely gain weight as this body does that way too easily…
sigh, it sucks to be a consciously aware healthy sex maniac in a sloppy bloated body… sloppy bodies are repulsive to libido, so it's a catch-22, if you follow the reasoning of the reality i create for myself in this physical world these days… i don't want to sleep alone, but i don't want to sleep with a sloppy body, but i live in a sloppy body, so i sleep alone… wonder what would happen if a libido fantasy showed up and wanted to sleep with me… i'll keep you posted…
well, what can i say, i am obviously in a rather irreverent mood and humping what might be considered controversial topics in our culture… shock value amuses me sometimes, i mean, why should the news and Hollywood get all the cheap thrills… have you ever seen TMZ?… sounds like a strange new sexually transmitted disease, doesn't it?... well, in an ironically metaphorical way, it is… the hard news show it isn't just told me that Selma Hayek and Kate Hudson and other of my libido fantasies were advised to take gammagobulin shots for possible exposure at Ashton's birthday party last month cuz one of the waiters there tested positive for Hepatitis A… oh dang, now i' might actually hesitate for several microseconds before sleeping with them both…
I'll leave it for you to ask and answer the question on everyone's mind now, is this mental masturbation or am i just faking it… surely the cast of Airplane and The Naked Gun combined could not figure it out from way over there, but that's the fun of it, the distance makes the heart grow fonder, or maybe it makes the flesh grow harder, or something like that… titillating?... how does one write stimulating adult fiction, anyway?... i suppose one would start by not using the word titillating… unless, of course, one was mocking one's self or the cultural hang ups about sexuality or perhaps the lack of it therein or something obscured by run on sentences that lose the train of thought because the rails run out or maybe even got derailed somewhere along the way when nobody was really following along mostly because the writer wasn't… of course you have the ball, so to speak…
i really am enjoying playing softball, even with a gimpy leg… i would have started playing flag football last weekend, but that requires a working leg… both, actually… and then there's a bowling meetup that starts next month, but i'm probably not going to be ready for that… and then there are the runs that i was supposed to start doing and hopefully i will be able to start for real one more time before i die sometime during the spring… but probably not in time for the March run for kidneys at Disney that i already signed up and paid for… alas, all the sexy runner girls will just have to wait to oogle my magnificent form and style…
what did you expect as a sequel to the previous entry, something spiritual and puritanical and religious-like?... hey, i apologized, whatdya want me to do, confess?... ok, i did it… i did that too… yes, i probably did the other thing too, but i forget some things when it's convenient… see what indulging my love of giving does? (see Tuesday's comments)... what, turn me into a blasphemous hellraiser?... or maybe i'm just so giddy with life and being me that the frustration of not having time for daily babble and the self-destructive ways compounded by the achy breaky leg merging with the lonelies and a touch of the lack of touch and a neglected ego and this that and the other thing all combining to discombobulate the video game of life in my head and result in an apoplexy of indiscriminate farting in the general direction of the establishment or any establishment that happens along…
power to the people right on…
thanks for playing along and i hope you don't have too much of a mess to clean up….
Labels: amused, babble, bloat, body, catchup, comments, doh, egmo, ethos, giggle, huh?, irony, lam, loneli, mtmm, pathos, perspective, psych, smirk
posted by candoor at 11:59 PM
14 Comments:
Good Morning dear "brother" ;-)
and thank You I am soooo happy for this development in Your sidebar.
I will be back pondering and wondering over the content this time.
I have a serious question to Your administration today, in my comment box. Maybe, You know the answer?
Have A Lovely Day out there!
why, a pull on his pony tail not good enough?
My dear friend,
First a spontaneous reaction, where do You carry all those words, when You don't put them here? No wonder if Your weight goes up!
Secondly, after deep musings; isn't mental masturbation just an other word for blogging? Aren't we all blogging here? ;-)
A - I left the serious response in your comments... thanks for the laugh here, yeah, come to think of it, i do lose weight when write regularly :)
yup, blogging is mental masturbation for most of us... maybe all of us...
of course some insist on insisting there are sexual innuendos and perverse subtexts slipping between the legs, I mean lines... but they are just weird :)
z - my pony tail isn't long enough for her to reach :)
Yeah, Sweden is pretty far away from Florida *lol*
God, I love this pending between seriousness and pure insanity :-D
Most of all I love the Cyberians, that are able to make those sudden shifts, and knows when and how!
Hugs
The Entry
;-)
It's all a game
of give and take
So whose serve is it?
PLAY ON!
4 days for me... triple yeepee?-)
have sweeden coast, we'll travel :)
"Have Sweden coasts????
Sweden is on the Scandinavian peninsula ... Come on Waterboys we ARE water, !!! Let's play Noah's Ark ;-)
it is probably very rude, or at least quite male of me i suppose, to have had jokes about the Swedish Bikini Team flash through my head just for a moment now...
perhaps i've watched too much Monty Python... or is that Benny Hill... well, it's some comedic influence... can't be blaming it strictly on hormones and stereotypes, now can we?...
somewhere between a q and an a, i found a z... lucky me :)
LOL
I'm quite use to rudeness on this site. I mean not being aware of if an other country has water around it or not, that is strange to be. It is not even a good joke. The geography of the world is something You learn before You are 10 years old.
Did any of You care to watch the Swedish movie I embedded in my former comment?
anna, it just dawned on me (in my hap-hazard catching up) that you read z0tl's comment about Sweden coasts as a question... it is actually an english (usa) idiom he paraphrased...
the original phrase is "have gun, will travel" from a work of fiction, meaning as long as i have my gun i will travel anywhere (or something like that)... it refers to the "old west" stories in the usa...
so i read (mentally correcting the typo in the spelling cuz i usually do that, mentally correct typos, that is) "have sweden coast, we'll travel :)"
as as long as sweden has a coast, we can travel... kind of an encouragement (teasing or not) for me (and z0tl) to go visit Sweden...
might also have been a reference to a running irreverent joke i make about swimming to friends oversas when they invite me and i say something like "i'll start swimming tomorrow"...
so the reference was we can swim (or sail or row or walk on water, even, if you follow my irreverent mind, which can be dangerous, especially out at sea :)
so all that to say, yup, Sweden has coasts, and beautiful coasts they are too :)
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