the illusion of words

if i had an mp3 of the song, i'd have uploaded fool on a hill for you to listen to during this entry... alas, my resources are limited, so i leave it to your imagination to choose the soundtrack for the words most of the time...

and if i relate to the power of words as in the classic writing just linked, i might value poe even more, however there are always at least two sides polar to every perspective, which makes everything at least bi-polar, and therein, everyone, but that bit of psychobabbling philosophy can be debated or played with some other time...

for now, i offer (for posterity and pondering) the following commentary about words that recently emerged from the stuff between my ears... for whatever it may be worth, for whatever value we invest in the concepts, they are here now...

who we are is constantly changing...

i am who i am at the moment... words will fail to express much of who i am, for much of who i am is a presence that words cannot express...

and i do not know all i am, which further limits sharing in words...

as close to a literary bottom line description of the unchanging ultimate "who i am" i can muster at this moment reads:

i am who i will be when i finally find the one with whom i create/become all i can be...

at the moment, i am alone...

who i am alone is a dichotomy... at once i am a happy child enjoying the wonders of the senses in this body at each moment... and when i look around and deeper, i am also a lonely child playing grown up games for social and survival hungers...

if we look at my current habits and add that to who i am, i am alternating daily between self-destructive (through food and laziness), playful and introspective (through words), playful and helpful (mostly on the surface, through work and social gatherings), and self-living (through food and exercise)...

but habits change with whim, so i do not consider them a substantial answer to who i am...

and you see what you see in words...

and i say that most of me (or anyone) is missing from words... facial expressions, body language, actions and moods and whims and all the subtleties... words offer such a limited view...

and i say i see words as playful puzzle pieces that can be arranged to mean anything and even when i do my best to find the most serious reverent expression of what i mean, i fail to express the whole picture and more often than not, in retrospect, misrepresent as much as i hit the nail on the head in describing myself...

and... who i am is constantly changing...

we continue the futility i attempted to describe above because we choose to limit our communication and sharing to written words at the moment...

i believe we continue because we want something more, some sort of clarity that may be (most likely is) beyond words... some sort of reassurance that is definitely beyond words...

perhaps there is some sort of bond that words might be able to provide that will satisfy...

let me know if you find it :)


and then you can try to explain it, in words, to me :)