sick puppy

while the current desktop image (see the story and the image a few entries back) stimulates the sensuality in me more and more, the schedule of social and fun and work and work leaves so little time for rest that the body is running down and this seasons cold/flu bug seems to be digging in more than any previous year, enough so that i caved in and bought and consumed some nighttime cold/cough medicine a few minutes ago and i am hoping it will put me to sleep (cuz i’ve got to be awake in four hours to head to softball practice {and then to meet Rasputin and then, in the evening, another social gathering} and i still haven’t found time for laundry or needed sleep and i still have work monday morning)…

i seem to be holding out for the time off i have planned around the holidays, but that might mean i completely crash and sleep through the first (xmas) weekend so i might rejuvenate for the next weekend and new year… ultimately, this body could use a month off, just to regain it’s immunization balance… but working for almost eight consecutive years and now working a job that asks for sixty hours a week (and more) and still trying to develop an active social life takes a toll on the body and while others accept the limits and give up and give in and settle for whatever, i’m not them… so i must find some time for deep sleep for a couple or few days… soon, i hope…

remnind nme ti cont he… huh?...

remind me to continue this some other time :}

and finally, almost

years pass... and yet, the feeling of the bitter rain stinging the skin, the taste of the near frozen tears, the bone-chilling wind ripping through the clothing, all this, and the wave of numbness enveloping me from the inside out... years can not make such visceral memories pass... for the experience of such intensity is not forgotten without some physical brain damage and for better or worse, in spite of years of experimenting with chemicals and alcohols and mind altering experiences, no such sufficient brain damage has occurred for me...

this entry was postponed by hours on the phone... when i wake tomorrow, perhaps the magic of the moment will reappear as it has not in recent years... meanwhile, the music was added (finally, though other songsa fit there too) and four entries flashed by here in the blink of your eye, so feel free to explore while waiting for me to get back to this...

four days later

and what do i find, it's still empty... imagine that, the box does not fill itself with words... somehow, there is something profound in the thought these words are attempting to convey, but there is less impetus to continue delving into is and more impetus to laugh and continue wherever the words might lead... the babbling paused, as you may have noticed if you arrive here during the four day pause, but then, after tonight, there may be little sign of the pause other than this mention and any other mention there might be along the way... it's not as if nothing has been written, for there have been entries most every day in thereal as promised (well, i think i promised myself) and somewhere along the way i found reason to smile # 742,899 (and further linkages)...

looking for something
something to share
looking for someone
someone to share

the words are so simple
here in my mind
so why is this something
so hard to find

ah, the fatigue is strong in this one tonight... and yet, the compulsion to write, to share, to reach out and shout i am here i am here i am here just one more time, just in case the one happens to be passing through within shouting distance tonight...

torn between the physical craving for sleep and the mental craving to share... both of which have the mirror, a physical craving to share component and a mental craving for sleep, but the former pair are the dominant forces within this one tonight...

and with one last gasp of blurt babble, i give in to sleep, and what dreams may come...

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

momentary reprieve

though my ass is numb and my leg is hurting and the body is was beyond uncomfortable... i found my way down to the gym and somehow got the internet to work in the kiddie room, so comment responses popped up wherever i could find comments and this entry shall attempt to find it's way on to the web if the connection holds out (it's already been lost several times)... i shall point out that some rather clever (or at least rhyming) comments were left last night that i feel should not be overlooked, but then, just because i see my genius sometimes does not mean it is really there, or you will if it is... and i suppose i ought to get a cushion for the hard wooden baby chairs in this room as long as i am going to use it... maybe a bean bag chair, but then, i am not motivated to carry too much down into this space... more better, i ought to dress for the gym and work out, rest while typing (maybe inspired by the adrenaline and endorphines), maybe start the physical log one more time (oh where oh where has that idea gone) and wait, what's this? (excuse us tim burton) as i slip about looking for the link to the workout log, i stumble back into the twixt tween thing and find so much i've missed that demands attention and catching up and more time (and infinitely more comfort) than i have in this space and time tonight)...

the internet connection is coming and going, so i better just post this and go back upstairs where comfort will allow words to flow much more easily... at least i did find a lot of places (and words) awaiting responses and so much more still to come, tomorrow is another day (maybe i'll even have access)...

maybe

cuz i dunno if all of these entries belong here (they don't) but i dunno if i have the patience (or internet time) to figure out just where all the entries oughta go so you will not be exposed to the maze of myriad (or is that the myriad of maze) that would ordinarily have come from the past week plus of babbling offline (though you will, just differently than you would have if i had more time) so starting here, starting now, the past entries written since moving into the new place shall be uploaded here (and some there and everywhere, just not as many elsewhere's as they would be if... well... you already got that part, right?) for the next seconds, minutes, and possibly hours...

ok, so maybe there will be all over the place...

we'll see :)

seems like old times

so…. there are dozens of posts (hundreds, actually) in pieces and snippets and scattered pages left over from planet candora and behind the candoor and even before (the beginning?) and the pile is starting here (always seems to happen when another new world forming from the ether {or whatever we call the nothingness that somehow forms into something} or something like that) as thousands of words gush out behind the scenes (or curtain, for that matter) while just a few find their way into the upload due to time constraints, so we might expect a sudden flurry of entries (like there used to be) someday, but for now, this is today…

what to do, what to do… stay awake all night writing in spite of needing to be alert and clear tomorrow to finish reports and chair a vital monthly meeting and then with plans to race over to Universal studios and join friends in the parks and then for dinner and then back to work the next day and out to play with friends and then back to work the next day and then out to play softball and repeat that the following day and then more work and a party at night and then… but when to conclude the apartment search and decision and oh yeah, move?... and the body says sleep, please!...

but i do appreciate you and want you to know that i do (appreciate you)...

i am living on the edge again, or at least darn close to it… because my mind craves the stimulation and the heart-mind craves the emotional roller coaster and the life is not getting any longer (or is that shorter… well, time is ticking ticking ticking, into the future)…

yeah, that's it, at least for this upload…

nite nite (i think :)

survival can be fun

just in case all the many avid readers who do not read comments here were concerned about me and my disappearance after the previous post in which i almost dead (oh, the dramatatism... speaking of dramatatism, could there be a blast from the past popping up in the form of an anonymous commenter?... well, snagglepuss might know, but we shall wait and see if someone who actually reaches back to the days of snail mail surfaced, but i digress and this was a message of vital importance, after all), my sincere apologies for my adbsence, but this'll teach you to check the comments, ya know?>..

i survived and had oodles of fun yesterday (the sunday softball tournament)... while the team i was on was not the best, we did have fun and we beat the team that eventually won the tournament (their only loss) and we tied the team that came in second... we played six games, the last four or five without a break, which was a definite disadvantage but that's the luck of the draw... the temperature was in the 90s most of the day... that's fahrenheit for you of the metric system... much more hydration and ice kept the exhaustion away...

i shall pop more entries up tonight, i think, but at least you (and posterity) knows now... have fun out there, heat and all :)

time not

and while i not looking, z blog o z went the way of the suddenly defunct... apparently i have some s'plainin to do to lucy on the sidebar...

there really is so much to catch up on and no time for the writing...

but i shall return someday, really i shall...

falling is not overrated

and yesterday i fell from a plane :)

no time for sleep

so i want three days off in the first ten days of the month when all the reports are due and on top of it i have other reports due this month, so tonight i head back to work after a pause to hang with friends watching Pulp Fiction at the local dinner theatre and stopping home to do some laundry because i needed to wash my softball shirt so i can play in it tomorrow night (which is pretty much tonight) before heading back to work to finish some reports i need done for a couple of morning meetings and maybe nap an hour before starting another day of trying to do three days work in one so i can enjoy the days off (but somehow some sleep would be good before heading to Warpd Tour on thursday and then playing softball thursday night, how?... i hope not badly) and here i am waiting for pizza to cook so i have a moment to say hi...

hi...

especially the numbers

there are those who perceive the time-space continuum as linear and those who perceive the time space continuum as circular and those who perceive one or the other as one or the other or both...

there are even though who perceive things even more differently...

but there are none so blind as those who do not see with their own eyes... and so it goes for so many if not all humans...

except me, of course, cuz i know the secret is that it is all a wonderous spectacle of tomfoolery and child's play and when push comes to shove, it is, like i shall soon say again and already did, all a big joke...

especially the numbers...

P.S.

anybodfy our there check to see if my calendar link works for you on your computer?...

how about now?

i appreciate you taking the time to help me see things from your perspective... cuz if you can't see my calendar, then it's just for me and i might tired of it much more quickly... so i'll ask again if you missed this one too (i know i don't always make it easy for you :)

nite nite :)

just for you (mostly)

i suppose that when i get tired of complaining about the messy living space around me (and i want to ignore it) or when i am tired of babbling on about this or that to distract myself from the pieces missing from the puzzle of this life as i know it (or the empty chairs in the conference table of my mind), especially when hopes for the connections and people i'd like to find just don't happen time after time) i appear to have little to say about the RealTime™ so i ramble a bit elsewhere and let the bubbles of thought and emotion out in rhymes and vegetate (especially these days as i am less physically active, in terms of exercise, than i've been in many years and feel atrophied and bloated) in between the mostly sedentary social activities that keep me busy (hopefully not in vain in spite of present results) and few words appear and days go by here…

but i still appreciate you and treasure your words and want you to know… so this one is for you (we'll get back to me and my narcissistic self-indulgent apparently random babble one of these days)… all is as well as it can be given the physical limits and the body appears to be healing (about halfway to being able to run again, i'd estimate, which means maybe by next month sometime)… tell me to eat better (like i might listen to anybody not in my face, or in my face for that matter)… ah yes, humor intact, all is well…

thank you for being out there…

my latest distraction

gonna take my own advice and lay down to see if sleep is ready for me or i am ready for it... until next time, i leave you with my latest distraction...

nite nite :)

just a moment

i babbled a bit in a comment response to you wonderful few who comment to me here... thank you so much for sharing your time and thoughts and you...

it's been a crazy busy with work couple of weeks and there's still more to do, but i'm gonna get back to fun and going out tomorrow night... and i'll get back to babbling eventually, these quiet times seldom last long... and there is always love, as my myspace song says... where?... exactly where it comes from, is where it's going to...

but to answer the question more melodically...

(press the arrow)

some days pass quicker than others

yes, well, this is odd... I feel little of the usual compulsion to fill in the blanks of the past few days... whatever could that mean?... obviously, it is a major change, perhaps even an upheaval, and it seems to feel good so i'm going with it for the moment...

you may notice the new addition to the sidebar... while the things i am doing (calendar of events?) will continue to be updated way down at the bottom of the sidebar, the new addition is the current month's calendar right below the blogsite introduction at the top of e sidebar... and more, there are now (and intend to continue to be) links to the events and hopefully this blog takes a step closer to it's original intention, a way to keep in touch with people in real time (and not the babbling free-for-all that used to be kept behind the candoor (and probably belongs there)...

I hope to be back later with more updates on life in real time, but this suffices for the moment to keep the previous entry from being up so long that comments get confusing or dated or something like that... '

back in real time, even if it's not trademarked :)

hope life is fun in your world :)

we interrupt today's second entry

to bring you this special announcement... wait, i mean speshial... instead of the second entry that i was gonna be posting any moment now (cuz i came here to do that cuz, for better or worse, i already wrote it), i shall provide a space for the link to the response to the comments the master z0tl provided to the previous entry (and prior entries as well, i sense)… later i shall post the link to the massive missive requested and provided because expectations without fruition lead to disappointments and we all know how i cringe at disappointing anyone (that makes two, at least)...

for now, the beginning of that entry (which will find it's way elsewhere cuz it is) is the response to the comments in the previous entry, ole :)

the secret

hmmmm, being a wanderer (which is proven, of course, by my choosing the be known as Wanderer at Yahoo and several other places online a long long time ago), i am amused by the 11D beings hiding out beyond the 7D through 10D beings, especially since most people are not even aware of the 6D or 5D beings because of fear and even 4D beings are rarely viewed as much more than leaders or wow, isn't he cool? or occasionally Ben Franklins or Thomas Jeffersons, and so recently when i found the terms indigo and starseed and crystal popping up in my email (thanks to meetup) and what about chartreuse and infrared (but you can call me rainbow, sunshine) and alpha beta delta gamma and out beyond omega and all the other labels, i was instantly distracted by my human training and was happy to discover that i was almost fully indoctrinated and memory repression was almost complete so no one would ever believe i was who i was before i was in RealTime™ according to the words written here as gospel cuz that is how it's done…

not even me…

breathtaking revelations, no doubt, but the bottom line is my unshakeable blind faith in agnosticism that keeps me amused at all the other blind faiths out there that propose right wrong and all sorts of other explanations for everything that is only known by faith, but my faith that nothing is completely knowable is stronger than any other faith, or empirical evidence even, so now you know, i am an infinite D being from beyond the black hole, not the one in Calcutta, but a bit farther East, you know, beyond where the map ends…

i think i may have finally reach the point of observer, no longer feeling any compulsion (or even much desire) to help anyone get anywhere (unless, maybe, if they ask real nice)... humans may have to wait for the next evolution of life for the time of enlightenment... maybe the secret is doing nothing...

it is rewarding (and existential) to finally realize that i am becoming successfully human in my mock quest to become human as i have suggested sarcastically all along now and then and especially in the sidebar there that you can so easily overlook… yes, the feigned ignorance is finally starting to take hold and become my natural slovenly unawareness… i even waste stuff regularly, eat un-organic rice, and overcook meat… the only question left now is that now that i am finally human, what do i do now?...

now?...

how about now?...

hey, i think i'm getting the hang of it…

few words tonight

well, you've already met my new girlfriend, and latest lust interest (it's not the mirrors, it's the music), and you, because you love me and don't want to miss a thing, back tracked to all the entries you missed (including the stolen mormon undies i will put on my girlfriend someday) and duly noted the two new video blogs that joined the madness and the last entry demonstrated the subtle mockery i do at the onion blog from time to time, or last year at best, but we know you don't gather here just for the sophomoric humors (and i do appreciate you being 'round), so i'll just let you know that i love you and miss you and must pass out soon because i've not slept much so far this week and i have to be at work before 7am tomorrow cuz i'm part of the two day training fair and i ought to be awake when i am training non-stop for 10 hours for the next two days and on Thursday i've got to race right from work to St Pete (two hour drive) at rush hour to make it to the concert on time… then another concert Friday… then more busy weekend…

so if you are going to to sandy ego
give my love to the z continuum
where there sun shines brighter than the fires
that is where the geart cimes from
i think i meant the heart comes from
not earth chimes from
but both beat the drum
even if this one is dumb
cuz the brain is numb
some some sum sum sum
rummy tum tum
bum bum


sleep me, now :)

beep

I seem to have misplaced today (and tomorrow too) and therefore, whereas and all that, there will be no entry at this time... when I figure out what happened (and where I am, though you might go to myspace and explore a few clicks), I shall return and respond to any messages you might leave after the beep...