because I love

I just responded to a dozen or so comments I got at myspace in the past week or two cuz I've not spent time responding there lately... how do you describe the feeling of reading comments at your blogs?... sometimes there are no words, just a beaming grin... whether the words are deeply touching from someone who's known me for decades and found me out here on the web, or simple applause from a relative stranger, or a challenging confrontation from a concerned citizen for his or her own unspoken reasons, it is like winning a prize every time...

for me, at least :)

this entry is mostly gonna bring you a comment inspired by a comment from the one and only z0tl, another devotee of obscurity (there's a phrase for the ages) who strives to live in the moment by consistently deleting posts in the present and the past (including my most rambling comments at his blogspot before I cut and past them so I'll never know if they were profound or nonsense or both or even slightly worth repeating), just cuz I caught up on sleep tonight and have nothing else to post about except a million other things I am too lazy to put into words...

the myspace blog I wrote was because I love you and it ended in a dare for anyone reading... not that the dare was what anyone responded to, but I amuse myself when I challenge readers in a blog cuz I am probably mostly challenging myself under the guise of writing to everyone else (shhhh, that's secret decoder ring stuff, because I love you, ya know)...

I think maybe a profound hukka might have slipped into my responding comment, but I'll let you and the tree and the flower decide what you think... I thank mr. z for the response and inspiration and include z-words once again because cuz I love the way he proves it, often in spite of himself... and while you're reading, I shall open LEX-mail, for I received three letters via LEX (cuz letters is fun ya knowz) since I saved them from Friday night when I picked them (and the new music {and old music} I also picked up that night that I've barely mentioned yet) up while waiting for the Harry potter book to be released from it's publicity-mad dungeons) so while listening to Bright Eyes, following Snow Patrol and to be followed by Plain White Ts (and did I mention I am loving Alexa Ray Joel these days?), I give you the z0tl comment (from the z0tl context), followed by my reply:

what man i'm lissnin to your shannon thomasina or sumtin you're sayin these here messaging:z are mo meaningfool than the 1s ovah anywhere else? or is it the quality of the peoploids actually saying something?

everything said is NOTHING, i don't care if it has the complexity of q9's M-theories or the simplicity of haiku, if it's said, it's already boolshyat. say less, live more, i think that's the equation, except you can do more of both at the same eggsact time and whine about no one appreciating that ability.

or not being able to share it all with teh love of your life or something.

heya, i'm in 2o1o, the LA skyline has morphed in awesome way:z but it's all in my head even if you cruise in the same dolorian i'm in, you CAN'T C IT! get used to being alone eternally.

your:z

- - -

I love the way you pay attention across the various blogs I write - much thanks for this :)

it was not my intention to suggest any messages are more meaningful and I wasn't comparing comments - I was referring to the more private messages (Inbox) feature that allows for saving messages and responding directly more like email so the conversation becomes more personal and connected over time... the timelessness of comments is wonderful, so is the imaginary strings woven through time by continuing a conversation as we are doing now :)

it may be nothing
and it may be everything
momentary choice.

and the choice is yours
even if it is denied
by your consciousness.

I do love your insight (and reflective qualities), doing more simultaneously while lamenting over the lack of understanding or companionship in the achievment, the solitary process bursts with bliss even as it longs for more interaction, involvement, recognition, appreciation, and ultimately, the greater bliss of sharing... but... even if nobody was there at the moment, the tree fell and could be heard forever by anyone listening...

the wild flower blooms
silent appreciation
for the falling tree

and I enjoy your fast cars, spectacular sunsets, serene beaches, cliffs over crashing waves, scathing caresses, imaginary leaps, endless perspectives, and raging reflections too

thanks for paying attention and listening and responding :)

yeah, so when wondering why I continue (besides being wrapped up in an ever spiralling inward and outward continuum of curiosity and magic), it's cuz of love... love... love... even as jagged fragments of bittersweet memories cut deeply into my psyche and bleed my soul dry attempting to bury my spirit in heartbreak and despair, even as I fail to recall the names or the songs or artists that saved me so many times in the past via treasured mix tapes I made (and lost in others hands along the way... lost in others hands... lost in other's hands... lost in the hands of another... yeah... even as I sigh, I feel the bliss and and hope and even if it truly is madness, it is mine and they can't take that away from me, no no, they can't (nor the beaming grin it inspires... and whenever I picture a beaming grin lately, I see Dia, just so you know - she's got one of the classic beaming grins)...

Warped Tour was much fun, in spite of my sleep-deprived zombieness... the conclusion of the Harry Potter seris was great, in spite of my rushing through it... the hundreds of dollars in music and books and stuff I spent this weekend was worth it, in spite of what my wallet might say... the memories are all worth it, in spite of their barbs and thorns... the emo is still the best way to go, in spite of the dangers involved (not withstanding the foolish attempts at humiliation those who fear themselves push on all who dare to be alive)... and as No One Would Riot for Less plays it's haunting refrain behind me now, I send you much YAY and love and giggles and hugs cuz I just woke from about eight hours sleep and that's jump for joy time for me (cuz each time I open my eyes, remember?)...

til tomorrow...