if a million eyes can see...

and then, even as i am basking in the rush of emotion and music and words and thoughts and laughter and tears and memories and fun and hope, most of all hope exploding like a supernova meeting a black whole meeting a quasar meeting something even bigger and more powerful and sitting down to play a game of four handed bridge or something like that and laughing hysterically at the futility of attempting to put any meaningful control or even direction onto or into the power generated by such and meeting, or something like that, there is the tweaking process of adding the perfect song in the perfect place and removing a song that, after deeper listening, just does not fit, and even more than all that (as if that was not enough), there are the new people. musical people, or at least people who love music like me who have more skills in putting music on their pages, musical blogs, even…

ummmm, yeah... i am kinda ravished absorbed in and being swallowed by the whole new musical world (remembering my old musical world and the fragments remaining) and bubbling over with excitement and the old (and new) awe of the power of words and music (even though i am just still just only just scrating the surface), I mean, in case you were wondering what the beginning of this entry was about... ok?...

so there's gonna be a new sidebar section (yes, another one) where i shall link the peoples and blogs that have contributed some inspiration somehow (as opposed to the linking of the blog where the song came from that the player already does… yes, we're rambling on about the player again… hey, it's the new toy, dontcha wanna know all about it and play with it too?... yeah, well, there's always hope… anyway, somewhere down along the right sidebar you will find links to sites like who killed the mix tape and untitled records, two of the sites i visited while building the first playlist… who knows, maybe, as i know you're out there somewhere plays, i'll even find new friends, musical friends, maybe even nearby musical friends, and who knows where that might lead…

take deep breaths, i wouldn't want the excitement to overwhelm you…

I think i'll call the new section MUSICAL PEOPLE & BLOGS (he says as he returns from inserting the little section)… you have been doing your deep breathing, right?... i know, i could break the news a bit more slowly, but i'm out of control at the moment, i mean, the musical inspirations and techno-success has be bursting at the seams (and seems) and there's just no decorum available (unless you were here and reached out with serious eyes and pleaded with me to calm down and pay attention to something serious and then i'd find a way cuz that's what i do too, but since there are no serious eyes seeking any attention at all around me at the moment, i shall continue bursting…

and how appropriate, the bittersweetness of the bursting quasi approaching catharsis that comes from this process, the mixing of songs, the blending of melodies and tempos and most of all, words… yes, who killed the mix tape indeep…. I mean, indeed… but wow, in deep too… typos are amazing… like alien or elsewhere consciousnesses or god, maybe, if there is one or some, speaking through the slips of the fingers… the tears are so gonna start rolling as i spend some alone time with this process… and the music… and the words… and the dream that someone will understand what i mean and the dream that someone will share the profundity of the roller coaster once again and the bliss, the bursting bliss… i know you're out there somewhere… hey hey… hello… hello… can you come out to play?...

now i've got the feeling once again…

and just to show us just what can happen (or not happen, but there's always hope for something positive to happen and now, more than ever once again), i was compelled to says hello in a comment to the first new musical blogger i stumbled across (stumble!... remind me to click on the thumb for all the music blogs i come across, will ya?) and, well, you tell me… is there any chance of actually meeting people and making friends like this?... i mean this:

i love you...

i mean, hello...

i just discovered that i secretly had the ability to put music with a player and such in my blog (after years of blogging, no less) and the process lead me here to your blog and i am gonna do my best to visit and revisit and explore the music you write about... cuz music as i know it has been missing from life as i know it for a while and recently i am finding ways of helping it return and you are one of them so thank you...

yeah, i am usually this way...

anyway, thanks :)

yeah, so the hope remains eternal that by reaching out without censoring myself at all (or as little as possible cuz there is some sort of censor going on, at least sub or unconsciously, cuz isn't that what identifies each of us as an individual personality as opposed to generic words like in a greeting card or clone mannequin or some such meaningful profound thought that may or may not have come through in these particular words at this particular time… the excitement and anticipation and goofy dream-like bliss never gets old… not for me, at least… i'm just retarded or something like that… and loving every minute of it…

and the tweaking continues… i've rearranged a dozen songs so far this morning (the morning after)… i don't seem to have any control over the volume levels other than seeking another copy of the song that may have a more consistent volume… there was so much more control so many years ago when i used to make mix tapes with my cutting edge cassette deck (whatever happened to my four-track reel-to-reel, i wonder…) and equalizer and, ummm, turntable (remember turntables?)… i still don't feel old, in spite of the age of my first mix tapes… today is way too blissful for any sort of old feelings, except those old feelings that are blissful, even the bittersweet bliss is welcome today… and oh, the roller coaster ride we can build…

but back to the playlist, i see refinements are definitely necessary, especially between the segues from the dreamy beginning into the social conscious deeper challenges, losses, frustrations, and sorrows and then back into the optimism in spite of everything and renewed hope that any good catharsis brings… and this one has the potential, in spite of the limited access to the music i'd like to find… but i can search more and even upload some of my own to augment the available music and hopefully the musicians will see the respect and awe and bliss and reverence and appreciation and not mind my sharing the music cuz there are links to buy the music for every song and i'd love the renewed extra publicity for my music if i was trying to sell music…

can my very own musical blog be far behind?... if might be a little different, i mean, being that i would be writing it… unless, of course, it tried to conform a bit to the human forms of musical blogs… we shall see, but for today, i shall just continue as i am continuing with the newly born exploration of a whole new world of blogging that has been long neglected in my personal world…

I mean, if millions of eyes can see, why have i been so blind?...

ah, the deeper denials and repressions are giggling at me… or at least sticking their tongues out, cuz some might still scowl from time to time, i mean, why would i repress just pure giggles?... self-punishment?... retribution?... who said that?... omigosh, the peanut gallery is reawaking… and nobody here but me to see it… alas, the loneliness is suffocating, or would be, but i can stay awake just to hear me breathing, if i'm the only one… luckily, i've learned how to breath in the sudden vacuum of traumatic catharsis and other amazing life experiences… but i'm still trying to be human too, i mean, sorta…

i think i fell asleep right about here…