cuz i didn't sleep at all last night

so i am here, obviously (which makes no sense at all, buit is still not nonsense) because i am enjoying life, but intended to sleep tonight straight home from work but omigosh, the drama, the emergencies, the meetup madness...

so a assists b has friend c who wants to join the group run by b and b says no to c and a takes offense, being a friend of c and supposedly trusted by a and felt wronged so a left te group run by b and started her own group that would welcome c if c wanted to join, but no one knows if c ever did, ironically, and then b demanded that the rest of the alphabet was takes sides and pushed half the alphabet away so that communication became virtually impossible because, after all, half the letters only make half the words, or less, even...

and then d wants to be bigger than e and f and lets o feed off the d until q points out how o appears inconsistent in the truthfulness department and so suddenly xyz company throws food to the alphabet and

g'nite

does raisin bread start out with grapes?

it was somewhere in a dream, somewhere in a dream... as the rain fell all day, eventually the softball game scheduled for tonight was rained out, so sleep might have happened early, and it did, actually, for an hour or so, but then something woke me, the silence, and i turned on the tv and started reading email and communicating locally a bit more and glancing up to catch some views of the people on tv and details are in the comment section...

actually, i am more likely to have my head explode than to go the way of the detroit casket, but either way, it's a mess...

one of the meetup organizers made me the host for a theatre meetup, so i am going to see Assassins at the Mad Cow Theatre on July 6th and hosting lunch at Urban Flats first... hosting just means being the contact person and greeting everyone and trying to make everyone feel welcome, not that one person can actually make a person feel anything they don't already want to feel, but encouragement helps...

i dunno if the group is public, but if it is, you can find my first event here... like a proud momma, i birth...

I shall perhaps lay down now... if i do, sleep will come in moments, or a few, and tomorrow will be clearer, though perhaps less insane... enjoy it your way, and thank you for the love that inspired this:

redrum... REDRUM!

stasi?

the small brown fox joined the west german secret police?... what?...

42 redrums spoken in a row and nothing happened, but after the 43rd, johnny showed up...

Il mattino ha l' oro in bocca... Was Du heute kannst besorgen, das verschiebe nicht auf Morgen... No por mucho madrugar amanece más temprano... Un 'Tiens' vaut mieux que deux 'Tu l'auras'... All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy...

madness is only contageous to the people who want it and the people who are afraid of it...

your laughter, tears, praise, well wishes, and concerns are much appreciated... i did get 4 hours sleep last night and the softball game was cancelled tonight, rain-out, but words keep calling me so i wrote while the tv played two movies, Resident Evil and Invincible and a Stargate since i've been home and wired i still feel...

Milla, I lust you...

ya vul, too...

ok, i'll cheat and call this an entry, just so there's one for tonight, or tomorrow, cuz all this genius insanity should not be kept to myself, after all, selfish i am not, mousaki...

thank you mucho, deeply...

someone save my life tonight...

you helped :)

PS... what?

insanity 101, chapter 2

chapter two starts with sleep deprivation... 40 minutes in the past 51 hours and i played softball tonight for 4 hours (pitching... in the rain... walked none, gave up two hits (or was it three), two runs (on an error), and we won something like 30 - 2 with a scoring limit of 7 runs per inning for the first 4 innings and we only played five innings cuz the mercy rule is game over if one team is ahead by 10 or more runs after five innings) and the leg cramps are telling me sleep deprivation is real (or side effects from lisinopril, however it may be spelled, are real) and the start of chapter two of insanity, 101...

it's a course offered free in my head...

so i really ought to lay down and sleep now as work is waiting just six hours away and the body could use ten, at least, and i don't want to raise the risk of pulling a muscle or other injury even higher than it already is...

i love you :)

I shared nocpdjavcf with several relative strangers today... two of whom i've never actually met (other than being in the same room together)... surely insanity, but you don't have to call insanity surely...

i am crossing the line, sharing links to my web world on the meetup site and with meetup people... any day now an actual physical person from orlando will read this blog and discover the insanity among us, or them, from their perspective... perhaps i should laugh in the bwa ha ha fashion... or at least a hearty nyuk nyuk...

that week of entries still awaits uploading... and then some... i wrote a bunch of posts on a message board for a meetup that related to nocpdjavcf, though i have not linked that particular page on the boards, probably cuz i didn't think of it until i was writing emails... yes, i wrote a few emails too... communication, amazing, huh?...

i wonder if people actually sit in the same room while they blog... i don't mean people in a public library or wi-fi cafe or wherever, but i mean people who know each other, just sitting around, and instead of interacting when in the same room, they sit at separate computers blogging about this, that, or something... i wonder how many blog about each other...

i wonder if i would enjoy that...

it's 2am, do you know where your blogger is?...

loving you :)

nite nite :)

a weeks worth

there is a weeks worth of posts in my head and a year's worth of love in my bed, there is a lifetime of joy still unsaid and an eternity...

George Carlin's dead.

no, no no, no, he's on the outside, looking in...

I still am waiting for him to pop up from a coffin on HBO with that mischievous grin and a sharp "gotcha"... i mean, he should have planned for that at least once cuz, well, that would be him... then he could do one more grand finale tour and call it 'life after death' and tell us all about it... see ya around, George... or even a little square... but logicians, atheists, and freethinkers (kind of an oxymoron in itself, aye?) will always love him (and so many more links to come, someday)...




yeah, so anyway, there are easily a weeks worth of blogs, posts, entries, rambles, and other such literary assaults and fodder for fools to fill in the spaces between this and the last entry and come they shall in due time, but for now i cross the 30 hour awake mark (and have work in two hours and softball practice after work and la dee dah, ain't i the bleary eyed fool once again tonight...

and so the king, is once again our guest...

yes, two showings of JC Superstar over the weekend... a baseball game and a Melissa Etheridge concert and all sorts of fun in between (not to mention work) and life and the babble just did not find time to upload itself... thanks for missing me, even if you never say so (and i suspect there are some readers here who have remained silent ever since my first days on the web (what?... i'm not worth secret admirers and silent stalkers?... of course i am, isn't everybody?)... yeah, whatever, and all that jazz...

maybe i';ll remember to tell you how ATT sucks another time...

i shall sleep two hours or so now and hopefully not die tomorrow because i still have a gotcha to plan out for myself... loosely threaded as the babbling may be, there are messages within the context of the massive missives and assorted words seemingly randomly scattered before your eyes...

take care of yourself, and remember, falling in love can prevent forest fires...

nite nite :)

missing songs

the player at the top is missing some songs... the files must have been removed from the web (they mostly come from a file-sharing site)... this was the original playlist:

End -- The Beatles
Nothing Else Matters -- Metallica
2 A.M. Song -- Logan Belle
Chasing Cars -- Snow Patrol
To Make You Feel My Love - Garth Brooks -- Various Artists
Because -- The Beatles
Honesty -- Billy Joel
Lullaby -- Spill Canvas
Hey You - Hey You -- Pink Floyd
Believe -- Elton John
MP3 -- Bee Gees (I Started a Joke)
Cryin' Shame -- Donovan
After The Gold Rush -- Neil Young
Monster -- Jamen Brooks
Lives In The Balance -- Jackson Browne
Love Song -- Elton John
Wish You Were Here -- Pink Floyd
With Arms Outstretched -- Rilo Kiley
Imagine - John Lennon, Plastic Ono Band -- John Lennon
Vincent -- Don McLean
Don't Let it Bring You Down -- Alexa Ray Joel
Watching The Wheels - John Lennon -- John Lennon, Yoko Ono
Empty Garden -- Elton John
Comfortably Numb -- Pink Floyd
Still You Turn Me On -- Emerson, Lake, and Palmer
A Lack Of Color -- Death Cab for Cutie
Fixing A Hole -- Beatles
To Love Somebody -- Bee Gees
Shameless -- Garth Brooks
Slow Down World -- Donovan
Soul Meets Body -- Death Cab for Cutie
You Move Me -- Garth Brooks
Connect The Dots -- Spill Canvas
Glory Box -- Portishead
Don't Wanna Miss A Thing -- Aerosmith
I Know You're Out There Somewhere -- The Moody Blues
Rhymes And Reasons -- John Denver
Our House -- Crosby Stills Nash & Young
Holiday -- The Bee Gees
Your Song -- Elton John
It Just Is -- Rilo Kiley
Late For The Sky -- Jackson Browne
The River -- Garth Brooks
God -- John Lennon
Star Tripper -- Harry Chapin
The Greatest Discovery -- Elton John
Amazing -- Aerosmith
An Innocent Man -- Billy Joel
The Heart Of Me -- Alexa Ray Joel
The One -- Elton John
Shower The People -- James Taylor
Lay Down (Candles In The Rain) -- Melanie
Dance -- Garth Brooks
Song Of Yesterday -- Alexa Ray Joel
Remember -- Harry Nilsson
First Of May -- The Bee Gees
Poems, Prayers And Promises -- John Denver
If Tomorrow Never Comes -- Garth Brooks
You Want to Make a Memory -- Bon Jovi
Oh My Love -- Lennon, John
What One Man Can Do -- John Denver
Children of the World -- Donovan
Words (outtake) -- Neil Young
I will follow you -- Death Cab for Cutie
It Will Be Me -- Melissa Etheridge
Always Love -- Nada Surf
Neil Young Heart Of Gold -- Neil Young
Remember When The Music (Extended Version) -- Harry Chapin
Bridge over Troubled water -- Simon & Garfunkle
Feed The Birds -- Garth Hudson
Nothing Else Matters -- Apocalyptica
Lost For Words -- Pink Floyd
Everybody's Lonely -- Harry Chapin
Love -- John Lennon
The End -- Beatles

it suddenly became tuesday

at least it did a few days ago... i was doing something... Melissa Etheridge was monday night, so what was tuesday?... oh yeah, meet the meetup staff... already told you about that as if i could see into the future or something because i am filling in entries instead of posting the entries on the date they are actually written because i've got a ton of words bottled up inside and these few days will not nearly be enough space to put them into so you know (or you oughta know by now)...

of course just about anytime i am home, which was only a few hours this week, the tv is on distracting me from any writing i might do... Road Trip presented Amt Smart, a fine distraction that kept creeping up on me even as I did not want to want a movie as I've seen it a few times, among other things, but there it was...

the meetup people were cool and i was surprised that one added me to his friends list... so i added two more and one other added me back... this shows me that the meetup staff have their heads on straight and don't play politics or drama games as i know i was complained about by a certain meetup organizer who felt like crap because she did not get the $500 check or much respect from other organizers... in fact, one told her off and i didn't even notice (he told me about it later)... i was more interested in meeting the staff from NY and learning more about meetup...

so i suppose whatever i was babbling on about in my head tonight was distracted by Amy Smart's nearly naked body and other amusements from the movie... i finally got the TV off after Raspy went into his room, but the brain is obviously wandering around without minding the fingers so the words, ideas, concepts, constructs, images, and whatever else is forming and roaming my mind is not falling into words here through the fingers and kayboard as they usually do...

more babbling building up behind the dams of distraction and fatigue... when will the right one come along to do whatever it'll take to open the floodgates again?... Art Garfunkel asks...

and the children laugh while the prophets play...

the cryptic keeper

there, deep in the dark of night when no one is looking, we find the realm of the cryptic keeper, the keeper of cryptic comments and other odd words... this is just one of the many known as the undeleted, those saved from the ether by the illusion that some form of permanence can actually exist... from this ether and for your perusal and amusement, or simply for the puzzles they may be, we bring you the following cryptic comments...

my dear dizzy friend, may you find your balance in time to enjoy your life outside of your head (and residence, for that matter :)

and then, quick on it's heels...

there is only struggle when one resists the obvious and looks for the complications or lets fear be their guide, often the choice for the bored or confused, dazed even, and also for the masochist.

. . . . . . .

your entry was saved for undeletion, even though you requested another, in time that upload will happen if time permits...

. . . . . . .

and when they say something is impossible, i say they do not know everything, or me, for that matter :)

and then i re-introduced myself again

next entry please :)

concert ho

so i am having too much fun for one, so sunday evening i head to a fancy house to listen to brazilian singer and musicians while eating fancy food and brushing elbows with fancy people... minds a poppin...

like the calendar says, i be busy... it is later in the week already, but i'll catch up for a moment with earlier in the week...

and so on monday i call the guy who got me into the fancy house and ask him if he wants to go see melissa etheridge and he says he's not really a fan but never turns down music so we meet for dinner at little saigon and get to the concert on time to pick up the tickets and meet jackson and her mom and it was one of the best concerts i've been to in a long time...

he guitarist is serious and she was great...

and now i am thinking about who to call for the shows (jc superstar) on friday and sunday... so i haven't found that partner in the arts and music just yet,, but at least i have a more confusing choice of who to go with...

just hope i pick someone seriously into the show and musicals and live theatre and who will appreciate the show as m,uch as i do...

the clock on the tv says 5:15 and the calendar says sunday morning... but this is the entry for saturday night even though a new day is dawning... la la la...

ok, so it's really 5:48 am and i am nodding off...

fun fun fun and all that jazz...

catch-up tomorrow...

nite nite :)

I thought I saw a post here already

well, maybe it was a kitty-cat... i obviously did not finish whatever i was writing for yesterday so it somehow disappeared into the ether or whatever, so i shall reiterate whatever it was i did not post again here today and call it yesterday's entry so later tonight i can back date an entry for today... yeah, ok...

but first, a serious moment:

IS HONDURAS CIVILIZED?

yeah, just asking... meanwhile, in my irreverent life where i scream out for attention in less harmful ways, i hope the softball tournament scheduled for today was fun for those who had coaches that got their money in on time so they could actually participate...

yes, i am home, relaxing for a change, because the day was scheduled to be a full day softball tourney and it turned out to be a relaxing day of vegetative meditation and web browsing... sans TV, no less, cuz the roommates are working...

I wrote two long-winded introductory messages that shall become part of the web world eventually, but for now can be found on this message board... let's see how the meetup public reacts to my sort of ramblings... hopefully they won't throw big stones...

nyuk nyuk...

did you ever notice that the irreverent laugh give to us by that magnificent American, Curly, could also ne viewed as a New York United Kingdom connection?... what with Groucho coining the famous like, "What's that? There'll always be an England" in one of their movies or somewhere, this could lead one to suspect that the early silent and talking film comedians were actually British spies ent here to infiltrate the colonies and reinstate the monarchy... of course that may be overstating their original intent, but hey, it's a possibility...

anyway, do let me know if you think i am helping or hurting my cause (the meetup mission is to actually meet people, not scare them away with irreverence rambling, after all, which is why i don't think i've linked this particular blog just yet, but i may be considering linking The Real, which is the newest of the new blogs and frontrunner for becoming what this blog never actually did become, the brief real keep in touch blog for the offline world... besides the calendar, i mean... they don't really connect though, so i still need a calendar blog {Niel Sedaka can write the theme song} for the latest ultimate connection to the real world in real time and space and so on, kind of what began all those years ago as Anonanonanon's Dream)...

pause for crisis

I am now on hold with att dot com, keepers of the communication services and many of the web pages i currently have online... the crisis was that, when checking the address for the site just mentioned above, it came up URL not found... all pages at att appeared gone... i called att and they explained that they changed the domain... this might mean that every link on every page on all of my old att websites no longer work unless they are external... in other works, att, in their infinite corporate wisdom, has broken most of the links on the hundreds of pages on my old website...

but the good news is that i np longer have to pay for the worldnet account and, at least according to the tech i just spoke to (who gave me a confirmation number), i still have my email and webspace at att because i am an att dsl customer and they swallowed up bellsouth dsl and isn't corporate america just the best system of overcomplicating everything...

so, crisis sort of averted... unfortunately, all the connectivity i've built on hundreds of different websites to hundreds of my own pages is most likely gone, destroying the dream that all that time spent connecting link after link might one day connect me with the one and/or old friends and/or new friends and make this world a friendlier more connected place...

alas, another dream dies by the hand of corporate america...

at least i'm not Iraq... oh wait, that was so rude, feel free to erase that politically incorrect statement from memory... what i meant to say was at least it's not as bad as the disney debacle of a decade ago that actually whipped out hundreds of pages i did not have the good sense to back up offline...

of course it may not be as bad as it seems, since all that started because i forgot to include the tilde thing (~) which, until moments ago, i always called the ampersand, which (the tilde thing) was required to get to the web page because it was part of the address... shhhh, nobody has to know that...

hey, i discovered that att was charging me double for services because they did not stopp charging for prior services that should have been combined until i asked (how many customers are being double charged, i wonder)... at least my payments stopped back in January when my credit card number changed... no wonder they never sent me a bill... yeah, corporate america, it is probably all legal, but can we get any greedier or unethical?...

well, with that crisis averted (we hope) and the learning experience complete, it's about time for me to shower and dress to go out to tonight's adventure (indoor mini-golf, bowling, games, and assorted fun)... i am not joining the group for dinner at my local Mexican restaurant because i am not that big a fan of Mexican food (generally too much beans and starch and i am trying to slow down the gradual process of turning into a fat old man by eating less starches and besides, i had mexican food last night)...

surely the juxtaposition of thoughts in this entry, the egocentric empasis of the crisis (not to mention the same old dream), my usual self-mockery and irreverent doe-eyed challenges to PC and overwhelming understatements, and the opening aside about Honduras that is most likely a much more complicated issue that it may sem on the surface, was not missed by you astute readers...

remember, only you can prevent pickle juice from squirting out of your mouth... and forest fires, be careful with open flames in the woods during these dry near drought months... or anytime, for that matter... open flames burn, m'ok?...

have fun out there :)

a three train movie

watching a movie in a park with railroad tracks on one side and the fifth avenue of orlando on the other side, all that was missing was Audrey Hepburn... well, she was on the screen... yes, tonight we had Breakfast at Tiffany's and an evening of chocolate... expensive chocolate, no less, cuz after all, we were on the fifth avenue of orlando... or actually, winter park... root toot and snootie, no doubt...

ahh, i just love to tease ma peeples...

did i mention the bank vault in the wine cellar?... yeah, so anyway, another marathon of evening social evens is cruising ahead and i do believe i will take a day or two off next week so i can enjoy the marathon better cuz one night is in tampa and three nights are downtown at the local broadway show concert major event theatre (naturally overpriced) and i still don't know who i am taking to these three expensive events (and one is just four nights away) cuz i still hope out hope for, well, you know...

all i ever needed...

but i am having so much fun and taking something like love seriously takes so much time and energy and everything, just ask that golightly girl... Capote sure had a way with names, didn't he... but how i would love to be surprised...

so meanwhile, three trains passed as we were sitting there (so they paused to movie for an intermission)... and a light rain sprinkled somewhere in the middle of the film... all in all, a beautiful central florida night sitting on blankets in a park in the snazzy high class part of town...

hope you are having fun too :)

pig i am

full rack of ribs, fries, corn, onion rings, corn bread, cherry lemonade, and most of all, fun people and a trivia contest (we were distracted by food and came in third this time)...

sleep me...

and then the chocolate exploded

so i ran around in circles at work again today instead of getting the work that must be done in the first half of the month done which isn't all that wise since the first half of the month is over earlier than in most months because the month started on a sunday so the third monday is something like the sixteenth which is only surpassed as being the earliest third monday by when the first is on a monday so there are fewer days than usual in the first half of the month because, in case i didn't mention it, the first half of the month ends on the third monday of the month cuz that is when i must present all the monthly stuff at the monthly meeting that is my monthly meeting (called the quality council, by the way) so i probably should have passed on the ice cream and just gone to bed but the Dreamgirls video was put on after Enterprise was over and i let myself get sucked into audio video distraction cuz i must be that desperate for social life and escapism and whatever, heavy on the whatever, and speaking of heavy, definitely should have passed on the ice cream, but it was pretty delicious and i remembered i had the fudge sauce in the fridge so i put it in the microwave and then the chocolate exploded...

almost slept

so there i was sitting in the big green chair immediately after work and eyes were closing and i kicked back and slipped into the wonderful world of sleep... about three hours later, Rasputin and Precious and her friend come in and the lights go on and the cooking starts and the TV goes on and we're watching My Cousin Vinnie...

sleep would have been wiser...

how cool might it have been to find myself fully refreshed from a full night's sleep sometime in the morning, waking feeling so refreshed from a full night's sleep that running was the only option to start the day and then a nice relaxing shower and no rushing to work half asleep... wouldn't it be nice (huh?... music?... yeah, and music too)...

but here i am stringing words together instead, which is, of course, like torture for me being that i so loath the process of writing or, heaven forbid, balling on as if there's some point to bve gotten to that never actually arrives (but then, if it's to be gotten to, it wouldn't be arriving, i'd be getting to it, no doubt... something about the laws of physics and grammar and conjugations or what not, aye?)...

meanwhile, they are not really watching the movie, they are eating junk food, drinking pepsi, and playing some game they have not played since middle school... she really hasn't gotten into college life much yet, probably because her best friend is still in high school and life is way too easy (can we sy spoiled?)... of course I have a big hand in that, so who am i to complain or judge... there i go, self-mocking again... i'd rather be sleeping...

ah, grimgles (or gruggles, i suppose, which are grumbling giggles or giggling grumbles, in case you forgot)... just wish a little more responsibility would show up so i could stop paying interest on the couple of thousand plus i laid out for her car... i remember hearing $25 a week and i've not seen it yet... laptop, vacation, home that would foster a more intimate social life, wouldn't it be nice (what beach boys?)... on the other hand, yesterday Rasputin left me a $300 check towards the money he owes me, which is a great step forward...

am i thinking about how cool it would be to live by myself in a clean house on my own schedule in a space i created for myself to inspire comfort and creativity and healthiness and intimacy?...

could be...

meanwhile, i didn't eat dinner...

famous last words...

later?

another busy weekend

- or -
the incomparable weirdness of being with humans

being later in the night again, but being that had no entry for Sunday, i did my usual adjustment to the time-space continuum and provided an inaccurate reflection of the clock on the wall AT the bottom of this post as i often do after hours as it is or may be in RealTime™... s'ok, that's what friends are for... and blogs, definitely blogs...

meanwhile, in the RealLife™ in the RealWorld™ in RealTime™...

i experienced road rage for the first time in many years today... some guy seemed to focus on me while dozens of cards were driving along a busy thoroughfare (SR 50)... i'm not sure just what his problem was, but he certainly seemed to be upset and focused on me instead of driving his own car...

first, he pulled in front of me in the left lane and slowed down to 35 in a 50mph zone... i moved to the right lane and he had a dozen cars backed up behind him, so gradually cars followed me into the right lane... he changed his speed to maintain the same speed as the cars in the right lane so no one could pass him and the right lane was going about 40mph... he slowed down again and the right lane started passing him and when i started to, he swerved over into my car and i would have hit him if i didn't have room to avoid him... the guy behind me came about an inch from hitting me... we pulled up to a red light and he jumped out of his car (him still in the left lane, me in the right) and started raging, demanding i get out of the car and fight him, threatening to kick my ass, kill me, and calling me every name in the book to try to provoke me into getting out of the car...

i told him that he should get back in his car because he was driving irratically, acting irrationally, and breaking the law... he started at me with his arm cocked and i picked up my phone and told him it just takes one button to call the police and they would not approve of the video that the phone would be talking of him as they listened to him rage... he cursed more and told me to call the police as he continued raging...

the light changed and he was still raging, so i drove off and he ran to his car, but dozens of cars were going around him already... he weaved his way through traffic to come up behind me and followed me to the ball field where i was going for softball practice... i picked up the phone again and he took off, so i moved my car to another place around the corner in front of private homes (in an upscale neighborhood) and went to softball practice...

no damage to the car when i returned, but definitely an interesting experience... i wonder where he was going )because his beat up old car looked very out of place in the upscale neighborhood, so i doubt he was going there) and what upset him... people are very unstable sometimes...

meanwhile, the weekend was much busy and much fun... two softball practices, two movies (Zohan and Kung Fu Panda), two dinners (Thai and Cheesecake Factory), and a bit of hanging out with friends... only one meetup and i actually went with friends to it)... we talked religion, politics, movies, music, and nonsense... and the few moments i was home i did the usual setting of fantasy baseball teams and checking of messages and email, though less than prior weeks as i progressively spend more time offline than online each week...

my time in the blogworld is limited to stopping by here for moments like this lately and there's been no browsing for a while... i miss the online stimulations, the words, and the interactions, but time, time, time, there's ony so much of it... sometimes :)

life is fun :)

hope yours is too :)

retrospective reflections (and other puzzling ponderings)

so i add the entry cuz these thoughts are rolling around my head and there's this date that has no entry cuz i was too busy in RealTime™ to write an entry this weekend and it's only 3am and work is at least five hours away and all these words are bubbling through the brain (as usual) and nobody is here to share or distract me from thinking and playing with words, so i add this entry cuz...

feel free to play the song that never ends now...

and i wonder who is out there, i mean, not you guys who comment, but others who do not comment... i especially wonder at this moment if anyone local is out there, like was i sitting and talking and having fun with anyone this weekend or the past few weeks who reads this (or any of my) babblings?... i know my calendar gets checked now and then or whatever by locals, but has anyone local found my blogs or pages of rhymes or any part of my web world?...

i wonder if it would be as cool as i think it would be if the local physical reality met my semi-imaginary world of words...

or were those famous last words...

so we were discussing the online and offline worlds this weekend and it is interesting how some feel the twain just does not meet, how some feel one or the other is taken too seriously (though usually it's the view that words online get taken too seriously that gets the most agreement), and how people are too dependant on this, that, or the other thing...

and so when i talk to people offline about how much fun it is to play and communicate online, i am often told that i take the online world too seriously... and this is usually by people who spend more time online and less time socializing offline than i do... weird, to me, at least, but everybody has a perspective...

i rarely meet someone who accepts things as i do or thinks about things as i do... maybe i just never learned how to be as invested in anything as others... tthe irony is that when i take something seriously, i am usually told i take it too seriously and when most of the time i am not taking anything nearly as seriously as anyone around me, so few take me seriously... i guess i just don't play the game most everyone plays (and most do not see it all as a game either)...

so because i seldom sleep, i spent more time online and offline than anyone i know... and all these words, who reads tham... you dear friends who've been with me for years, maybe a few newer friends from far far away, but locals - does this opportunity to know me pass without nod (or a wink, for that matter)?... sees a shame, since getting to know people can take so much time in the few hours a week that offline social life allows in this unsocial work dominated culture...

sometimes it seems so sad...

i also wonder what about me might not be knowable by reading everything i've put online... what aspects of my personality are missing... what questions would someone who truly wants to know me completely (believing in the dream that knowing someone completely is possible) ask?... any ideas?... and then another question peaks around the corner... what could i put online to inspire people to want to know me better?... and still another question enters the game, what could i do with my online time to make me more attractive to people offline, not just to the females (ah, ever seeking the one even when i am not consciously doing it), but to potential true friends...

everybody has an opinion, even if they don't want to find it or share it, so what's yours?...

thanks for reading, and if you respond, thanks for responding, and if you answer questions, thanks for answering questions, and if you help me get some of what i want, thanks for the best help a friend can give...

and enjoy it, cu that's what we're here for, ya know? :)

where did the music go?

i have hundreds of new CDs that i did not open because the USB hub somehow burnt out (either a short or some household accident i suppose) and all the music on the mybook is inaccessible and the laptop isn't playing any sounds to boot, so silence is all around me whenever the tv goes off...

and i laid down to sleep, really i did, and i am tired, much tired too, at least the body is tired, muchly, but i slept something like ten or more hours last night and the brain is simply wired and eager for more stimulation and sharing and that just makes the body want to cuddle up with someone and be told it's ok to be a maniac, maniac, on the floor and have a brain that just doesn't turn off...

Rasputin is sick again... he gets sick a lot, partly cuz he woks in and out of a giant freezer a lot as he works for a wholesale fish place, but also because he eats mostly crap and drinks a gallon of diet pepsi a day and all that crap and aspertame is not good for the body, alas, but he's a pepsi addict and junk food junkie and couch potato, so much is not so healthy in his body... i hope he gets better soon and i must remember not to eat anything in the house or use any silverwear or pots or pans or even go near the kitchen or most anywhere else he might touch as he has no germ-awareness, which is probably another reason he gets sick a lot... but i love him and hope he lives a long long time in spite of his suicidal tendencies...

and so i was laying there in the dark waiting for the mind to slip into la la land and realizing it just wasn't happening at the moment so i dragged the tired body *that now starts to ache a bit cuz it's complaining about not getting sleep) into the living room to babble on a bit (perhaps you noticed) and i realized that i want a computer in the bedroom so i can babble on a bit laying down the way i used to and haven't done in many years even though that was my favorite way of writing (and most deeply intimate and personal and magically me) for most of the most creative years of this life and maybe that's another missing piece of the puzzle to the method to my madness or something...

we won 16-6 tonight and the first game was a forfeit win cuz the team did not show up so we finished 6-4 (won-loss record) and settled for third place... if pitched well, only walking one in the last inning, mostly cuz i wanted to slow the game down cuz we were ahead by nine runs and i knew time was running out and the team we were playing averaged close to twenty runs a game and i did not want them to get the chance to rally and i struck out the last batter to end the game, but i hit like crap (walk and two pop-ups) cuz i did not get to the batting cages before the game and i swung twice all night and both were pop-ups cuz i am the pitcher and pitched batting practice for everybody but nobodu pitched batting practice for me so i felt left out and uncared for and all sorts of neglected and want to throw a nice pity party cuz i am way overtired in body and babbling on in my head and all alone and nobody takes care of me and i have nobody to go with to Jesus Christ Superstar two weeks from Friday and next Sunday and i bought two tickets for each show, expensive tickets, and i have two tickets to melissa etheridge for a week from monday and nobody to go with and tickets for yes in august and still hope to find somebody to go with and hope hope hope is sometimes not enough, but i keep doing it anyway cuz i am too stubborn to not do it and i have softball practice saturday morning and sunday afternoon for two teams... or something like that...

gthe body is way too tired to run and that is depressing cuz that is what i used to do to get to sleep when the brain was too wired to sleep cuz running is repetitive and good meditation for the brain and relaxing but the hamstrings are tight cuz the game was tonight and the body is tired cuz it needs a lot more sleep than the brain and we've both been awake for more than eighteen hours so i'll just sit here and whine about this and that cuz it's amusing (no wait, that's no way to throw a pity party, never mind amusing, woe is me and so on)...

heck, i don't even have the energy to throw a good pity party for the lazy lonely bloated pathetic body... it's really so sad... where did the music go, anyway?...




or something like that...

see this one time, last thursday...

Alyson Hannigan was such a turn on with her honest,, innocence, and candid nymphomania in American Pie even though she was not the purest image of the one in my libido's eye... people just want to hear what makes them feel good, even if it's negativity (cuz people are confused and distorted, but that's besides the point)... french fries are my favorite vegetable, really, even though i usually say asparagus or something else, but cherries are still pretty much my favorite fruit, with pineapples ever so slightly being... and then, when masturbating, what is your favorite thought, image, and activity? (what, you want me to be the only one giving up the secrets here?)...

maybe next time we'll reverse the polarity on the questions and watch Alison Hannigan masturbate, instead of just talking about it or making some guy explode with creamy goodness... and maybe next time people will actually start being honest for the first time in the history of humanity... and maybe next time, the vegetables will be the fruits and vice versa and nobody will understand anything... and maybe next time, you'll ask me something that you would really like to know about me...

i figure the answers, my friends, wherever they are blowing, will provide vital information and if i get the answers to the quiz of a lifetime from every single person on the planet, i'll find the one and know exactly how to please her which will inspire the romantic falling in love we both crave so simultaneously and mostly the same way...

and we came in third after losing the two previous weeks to the first and second place teams, respectively, and beat the team who would have been third to come in third...

adorableness is innocent sensuality, which is also harmless sexuality, which is also completely open honesty without harm, which is also gigglepoop, sometimes... adorableness does not have to be young, but youth is a state of mind and adorableness is definitely a youthful state of mind... this is reflected in the physical for much longer than humans ordinarily allow themselves to believe, no less become... that is very sad for the few who do...

inspire me to be adorableness by being adorableness and wanting me to be adorableness for you... or perhaps you just want wild passionate sex for no apparent reason other than horniness, which changes everything except libido's eye, which will most likely reject you at first glance, even if you are beautiful in everyone else's eye... which is sad to the few who do...

and why i remain alone in bed in this millennium...

but then this one time, last thursday...

six six six

but who's counting?

the lights stay on, the fridge stays open, the TV blares all night, the mess is everywhere, and it's all good cuz i am here less and less... i just pass through mostly on my way to somewhere else, kind of like i live... still awake even though i stayed home... could have fallen asleep hours ago, but instead, i pigged out on pizza and a sub and continue the ridiculous descent into madness via oral gratification and the american diet...

laugh, clown, laugh...

last night we (that's me and eighteen of my closer personal friends) went to Taste, a fun little eatery in College Park that serves dozens of appetizers and has an improv comedy show every Monday night... shouting out, the audience participated and the silliness filled the room...

eyes closing, rolling back in the head, space spinning, where i ought to be is bed... what was the last thing i said?... maybe i'm already dead...

i missed the softball team first meeting and Jackson told me i am the old guy on the team because they are all college age in their twenties... and tonight the league sent out an email to say there are four more people added to the team, rasing the total to fourteen or fifteen (when only ten can take the field during a game)... and i still have not heard from the league about the Wednesday night league i paid for... they were short players as of last week...

guess i'll have to keep looking for people who want to play with me cuz no single group seems to want to play as much or as often as i do... but then, that has been the story of this life as i've known it... and why i enjoy myself so much, because i am by myself so often...

still awake...

and i heard somewhere that we have two candidates for president of the usa now... right wing radio hosts were throwing a celebratory party for Obama that had all the sincerity to it that Orson Wells War of the Worlds broadcast had... racists hiding behind pretense as if the Obama nomination means there is no longer any racism, the pretense that perpetuated the smiling face goodness of holier-than-thou preachy know-it-all god-fearing church-goers who'd hang a black man on saturday night and wash it away in prayer the next morning... ah, the white man, always pretending to love his neighbor as he herds them, controls them, and kills them...

oh yeah, this is the six hundred sixty sixth entry here in this place... not that anyone would know even if counting was done, for entries are always being added at random moments in random places in time and space and and scooby dooo...

g'nite madness, wherever you are...

and the rest of you, love love love :)

ha ha ha

it is all a big joke, by the way, the whole rhetorical blogmanic redundancy and manic mushroom cloud of imaginatory expressionisms that expound exponentially through the decade of world wide web world connected to the fingers that reflect a bit of what is going on between my ears (and other body parts)... cuz life is elsewhere, after all, and even in the RealLife™ in the RealWorld™ in RealTime™, nobody knows the troubles i've seen, or something like that, and nobody knows the rest either, but most importantly, nobody dares open the mind enough to know the truth or any part of the possibilities it can be...

it is not found in orgasmic bliss, but it can be...

it is not found in material satisfaction, but it can be (or orgasmic bliss is part of the package)...

it is not found in spiritual actualization, but it can be (if orgasmic bliss is part of the blessing)...

it is not found in irreverent nonsense, but it can be (if orgasmic bliss is found in a giggle)...

but if you just happen to be the one, then maybe it's all the twilight zone and if you dare cross the bridge, everything will be perfect and the joke will be on me (if it wasn't already) and that is orgasmic bliss (and all you could think of was sex?... well, i hope not)...

goggle this, my precious fantasy child, i love you.

especially the numbers

there are those who perceive the time-space continuum as linear and those who perceive the time space continuum as circular and those who perceive one or the other as one or the other or both...

there are even though who perceive things even more differently...

but there are none so blind as those who do not see with their own eyes... and so it goes for so many if not all humans...

except me, of course, cuz i know the secret is that it is all a wonderous spectacle of tomfoolery and child's play and when push comes to shove, it is, like i shall soon say again and already did, all a big joke...

especially the numbers...

please go to bed

yes, i should, and yes, i am talking to myself more these days, but only rarely is it noticed because i do is so discreetly and all...

it's 4:16am om Monday morning and i have consumed four dinners (Yellow Dog Eats for dinner buffer and wine tasting party on Friday evening, Broadway Pizza for eggplant parm at about 2am Saturday morning, Olympia for Greek complete with interactive belly dancing on Saturday night, and Golden Corral with Rasputin Sunday evening), watched two concerts (Nada Surf in-store at Park Ave CDs and Nada Surf with Band Marino and another band at The Social), pitched for two hours and ran around in 90+ sunshine sometime Saturday morning, set my fantasy teams, watched some softball, and went in to work for a couple of hours on each day (cuz i was on-call)...

if i forgot something, see my calendar (linked on the right)... if i forgot to put it on my calendar, feel free to call and interrogate me, but you'll probably have to remind me as i probably forgot cuz i burnt out more brain cells...

one of the most fun weekends for me (except for blogger/google doing it's shut me out thing for a bit) because of the diversity of events and stimuli and food and people and fun... all that could have made it better (you know what's coming) is the one or a best friend or at least some wild passionate sex... there was some wild goofy belly dancing though, but that wasn't the same...

tomorrow (or actually, in a few hours) another month starts at work and the crunch to get all the numbers crunched and reports produced and so on begins and yet, there's dinner and a compedy improve show scheduled for tomorrow (tonight) too...

if i don't bump into the one out there before i die, at least i will die having more fun than humanly possible and that's the second best life i can imagine, so no complaints and much yays and laughter and optimism and silliness and serious fun...

may you find something similar or even better in your world :)

nite nite :)